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He was serious Extreh since I met him Granted, the situations we’d been in hadn’t exactly been laughing matters, but still Every time he smirked or smiled, the expression was filled ickedness Malice, not joy

Everything about hierous, deadly, certainly Like he didn’t have any happiness inside of him And I liked that

I was always shocked to hear women I knew talk about what they wanted in aon the woe, financial status, height, religion, but there was always one common quality

“I want soh”

Everyone wanted to laugh Everyone wanted a man with a sense of hu for that and were too scared of being outliers, or if they generally wanted some jokester as a partner

Whatever it was, I couldn’t make sense of it I was, for the most part, a serious person Sure, I liked to play with Eli, laugh with Jessica over a beer or three, but my main pursuit in life was not to have a happy one

I wanted safety Security Great, sordid, filthy sex

I did not need my partner to be a comedian In fact, I actively avoided theh’ was someone as always ‘on’ Usually someone with mother issues, desperate for approval

Which hy, along with a lot of otherreasons, I went for older, richer and more serious men

But when my relationship before Pete ended the way it did, because of usted with myself, shamed and hurt So I’d decided to search for aI used to search for

Pete was younger, less serious and liked to smile He was still hyperh of a departure, and I was attracted to hihter than the men who came before him but not completely juvenile

The sex was great, he ell educated and didn’t want to tie me up and humiliate me

All boxes ticked

Then there hat he did for ation ot down on one knee on a trip to Paris, despite how disgustingly cliché and performative such a proposal was