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Was I just a fun little side dish to his locked away? Could I have estures and perfect kisses and war they weren’t? Was this just one more link in the chain of infatuations I’d blown all out of proportion?

I couldn’t make myself believe it

What I felt for Dex was real What we had together was good

What we could have been would always make me wonder

Twenty-Three

Dex

I barely slept Saturday night, and Sunday I skipped going to church As irls there, I didn’t even feel like I could face them after what I’d done I was sick to ht about it

Instead, I hid out all day in my condo like a criminal—which was exactly how I felt

I’d done so valuable I’d vandalized so beautiful

And I’d lied to someone who deserved the truth

But she knew, a stubborn voice inwhat this had to be It doesn’t ood would it do her to hear the words?

I loved her—of course I did But that kind of love wasn’t stable or dependable That kind of love wasn’t a solid foundation It felt strong, but that was an illusion What love did was drain your strength and take away your ability to ood decisions

And you couldn’t second-guess yourself If I’d learned anything as a SEAL sniper, it was that I had to trust myself to make split-second decisions under the inable—there was no time for doubt or uncertainty It was a matter of survival

I’d saved us both

There was no way she and I could have s work, not even if she’d stayed here She was too young She had everything ahead of her— twenties I was so far re seems possible and all your dreams are still alive And I’d already hadthem

She’d been a welcome distraction, but it was over now

It killed , just on the other side of the wall, but I stayed strong

Someday she’d thank me

On Monday afternoon, I went to the gyuys more than necessary and made them work five ti, or stuck around and talked with le one of them took off as soon as ere done