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“Christ” He let out a shuddering breath and scrubbed at his face “I can’t even let go completely There’s no ‘cry it out and feel better afterward’ If I don’t put a lid on it, I just won’t stop”

I couldn’t iine that level of despair

“My thoughts terrify me sometimes too,” he adly at his palod I’m not sure I believe in anymore”

We needed more alcohol

I refilled his glass and handed it to him “Tell me”

“Oh no It’s…” He shook his head and accepted the drink “No It’s est shame My mind turns into a dark place”

“Like I would judge you?” Christ, I didn’t care how dark it was He’d lost his child “It’s better you get it off your chest”

And I could tell he needed to talk I illing to bet he felt alone in his grief if he believed his own thoughts were shameful

I didn’t want him to feel alone even for a minute

I took a big s of ht there on the edge On any other day, under normal circumstances, Shannon wasn’t the type of s or troubles But these weren’t normal circumstances

“You knohat? Screw it,” he muttered with a thin, bitter suest rooet a response froained—I’ve literally sat down and thought about who I would sacrifice to get my son back How many I would kill…” That here his temporary detachment faltered, and he didn’t look so indifferent anyive me” He suddenly appeared nauseated, and he averted his stare

His jaw clenched

I felt for him, but I could do the math, and I didn’t find it shameful whatsoever “You’ve included fah the whole list to rank us—to see who you’d sacrifice to get Pat back”

He nodded with a dip of his chin and wiped away a stray tear that rolled down his cheek “I re Finn and Emilia’s son for the first time when they announced his name was Ryan Patrick O’Shea This sweet, innocent little forht there Emilia, so exhausted and beautiful My son—it’s not often we see Finn overwhelmed with happiness and pride like that And then ht, ‘Would I give you up to save the man you’re named after?’”