Page 44 (2/2)

“Is that why you want out so bad? To go to Duke, I mean Is that why you’re desperate for early admission?”

I offered him a small smile “Yes and no”

“Explain”

“At first, it started as wanting soht soether Any early adh Duke was always ood early adet in somewhere, anywhere, then they would be proud ofto be happy about, like that could somehow fix us But lately, I seethat’ll fix them now”

Sorippedsmall, slow circles with his thumb “It’s not stupid at all You’re human And you care You want to help, but you feel at a loss, so you’re grasping at whatever you think ht make a difference It’s not fair, but it’s not stupid”

I sed over the luet away Is that terrible of me? To want to just disappear?”

“No”

The way he said it, so fir, made me believe it

To my horror, oing to get divorced I know it Heck, I want the will stop, but at the same time, I don’t think I can bear to see it It’s the end of soe I don’t kno I’d adjust to that, but having the buffer between Sweet Water and Duke would help Maybe it won’t seem so bad then—when I’ time won’t hurt quite so much either”

Reaching up, Carson tucked a lock of hair behindht in a long tie to tell hi he actually cared, but speakinginside me And noenemies after the holidays or remained friends—or whatever this was—for this time, this moment, noas thankful

“So hoill Christmas be, at your house?”

I worried ood question There hadn’t been much mention of the holidays “I don’t know,” I answered honestly Then I shrugged “I’ll probably sit at home and watch movies We don’t even have a tree up”

E I wanted to do was cry, so I spoke through the sting of threatening tears, willing the Even if it’s not the same, it’ll be okay I’ll bake some cookies and put some music on,” I said, with false cheer, because really, I felt like doing none of those things

“You should come to our place for Christht? I think they secretly hope either Ethan or I end up with you one day You’re like the daughter they never had They’d love to have you there, trust me”

I feltwith Carson