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“No You did not do this You were targeted because of the club, not the other way around I’ to let you do this shit and play martyr like you always do Remember when you told me you were done with that?” she snaps

“I am”

“Then act like it!”

“It’s so easy to say Because you’re not in it,” I mutter

“Then explain it to me, Bluebell You’re not alone I’m here I will always be here for you You know that”

“I hate to admit how it makes me feel God, why didn’t I see he was fucked up? I had him around Bolton I heard his co system?”

“I’m sure he hid it, babe That’s what people like that do They’retheir true intent Plus, wasn’t he really a private detective? That’s a lifetie I know for a fact, no one blames you My pops says they’re damn proud of you”

“They are?” I whisper

“Shit, yeah You took this fucker down on your own, Blue You did it There was no cavalry You were the one handling business Don’t let your fucked up headspace that has you right now turn that around You took a life, that’s going to fuck with you no rabs my hands and squeezes “They live and breathe this It’s nothing to them We aren’t the same way Don’t feel like you have to be like Psycho or Shadow You deal with it the way Bluebell needs to, okay?”

The dam I had on my emotions breaks The tears flow “I killed him! I know I had to, but I hated it, every minute of it The look of betrayal on his face when he realized it The way he touched et the blood off ht and I swear I can feel the warhtmares I shudder all the time I try to downplay them, but Shados He holds me and talks me down from every one I can’t help but think he deserves better than a mess How can I let him ink me for life, when I’m l-like this?”

“Hey He’s lucky to have you,” Dixie says, wagging her finger like a teacher scolding a child “Don’t you ever forget that!”

“It just doesn’t feel that way right now,” I whisper

“I know, baby But you’re going to work through this Hell, it’s only been days A few h patch on the road of life You have to reet past the bullshit and realize it’s not the end all be all to your life”

I laugh “I get that”

“Good” She wipes away my tears with her thumbs “I can understand why you don’t want to talk about this to Shadow But please talk to me, or Ruthie”