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I don't feel too good, that's the thing, she said I don't feel too good at all

It wasn't what they'd iined, this life It wasn't what they'd planned She'd been going to study geology, get her degree, get a job, o back to Aberdeen and show them all what she'd achieved, show them why she'd come away and hear them say, well, it orth it after all The stalled applications, the funding proble of the course - these weren't part of the plan The unhappy and unfulfilling jobs which she couldn't stick at weren't part of the plan Her increasing reluctance to leave the house unless she ith David wasn't part of the plan She was going to get her degree, the h university, she could get any job she wanted when she left, they could go anywhere, she could do anything Sleepless nights and uneaten dinners weren't part of the plan

People started to tell him she wasn't well I'm sorry David, but I'm worried about her, they would say I don't s quickly, quietly, on the telephone, or while Eleanor aiting outside in the car and he was struggling into his coat, or once she'd made her excuses and wandered upstairs to bed

I don't want to interfere but I'm worried you can't quite see it, they would say; she's not well Putting the eh it was some kind of euphemism

She needs help, they would say, with the word help said in the same way

But it came and went, whatever it was, and each tione for good, that it had just been a difficult ti in a neould of course be bewildering as well as exciting; that of course she couldn't ht away It's okay, he told people, when they said these things - Susan, or his mother, his friend Danny, Anna at work - she'll be okay She's just feeling a bit down She's tired She'll be fine again in a while It was only when she lost her job at the che was ; when they telephoned him at work and told hi well and would he be able to come and take her home?

She'd only started the job a week earlier She'd ot ho away to put the kettle on and saying so they gave me that job, as if she was e, really But when he took hold of her waist and swung her round, when he said El that's fantastic, that's great, she couldn't help s aye I know I know, taking his hands and ju up and down It wasn't the job itself she was excited about, she admitted to him later, but the fact that she'd found it and clairown-up now she'd said, showing hi hi hi that when she was on a ether, couldn't they?

The chemist's was one of a row of teate after the war A large area of land behind the neat arched frontages was still derelict, weeds and shrubs growing up froround You er of the shop told his they can do She's waiting outside, he added, at the back We didn't knohat to do, he said

Eleanor was crouching on the rough ground a few yards fro at the back of the library buildings opposite, her face set into a hard blank arette to her mouth her arm shook weakly Eleanor, he said She didn't react Eleanor, he said again

Do you want to go hoently, and she started but she didn't pull away She let the cigarette fall to the ground froht afternoon breeze They heard a bus revving up on the corner, so Her eyes were red and sore, as if she'd been rubbing them

Coo home now

I can't go hoently, her voice nohis hand to her shoulder, er She stiffened beneath his touch, but she didn't move away

Coo back now, okay? I'll run you a hot bath and make you some dinner We'll see if we can work this out, eh? And I won't burn the dinner this ti, I proed only a sort of pale gri from her eyes

I can't go yet, she said I'o back into the shop Her voice was strained and taut

No you don't, he told her, it's okay, you can coht He stood up and held out his hand to help her She looked straight past hi past the ruins of the old cathedral to the sheer glass soar of the new, its scaffold spire breaking into the sky He leant down, putting his hands under her arently to her feet Her body was soft and li, like a sleepy child's Coo home now