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She flinched violently at the sound of his hand on the table She stared at hi about? she said His eyes were shut tightly, and his hand pressed flat against the table, the skin whitening under his fingernails He didn't say anything

David, what are you talking about? she said again, putting down her knife and fork, reaching her hand out across the table, leaning towards him

I don't know El, he said, opening his eyes It's a bit complicated She waited They sat like that for acold on their plates, while outside it got dark and the lights started to come on in the houses behind

David? she said eventually

He told her what he knehat Julia had said so casually and mistakenly, how his et it towhen he'd finished talking, and he looked down at theh he wasn't quite sure that they belonged to hi, embarrassed Jesus, El, I'm in a bit of a state I'm sorry, he said

He wanted her to stand up, to rush round the table and hold on to him But she didn't She just sat and looked at hihtened

She asked hi; about whether his father and his sister had knoho else kne it had , what it said on his birth certificate, what he knew about this girl Mary fro he'd known about it, how long had he known?

She tilted her head sharply towards hily, as if she hadn't quite heard hiht Why didn't you tellhis head How did you e not to tell me? she said

It's complicated, was all he could say I don't know I didn't knohere to begin The words sounded familiar even as he said theiven him to the questions which had haunted their conversations since he'd first found out How did youHow could you bear not to tell me

They did the washing up together, scraping the uneaten food into the bin, standing in close silence while he stacked the pans and filled the boith hot water and she waited with a clean tea towel She touched his ar at her She slid her arainst his chest for a moment I don't knohat to say, she told him I don't kno to make it better for you He put the plates in the bowl

There's nothing to say really, he said It can't be changed I' before

No, no, it's okay, she said, don't worry, it's okay She took her ar I could do, she said aardly To make it easier, she said

You could start by drying these, he told her, rinsing the plates and balancing the else, and they did the rest of the dishes in silence

Later, years later, she told hihtened She told hiht he was, of his slipping uncertainly away froh, she said; it felt like anything ht happen It made me feel a bit lost It o back hoo But she didn't say these things at the ti up, and put everything away, and sat with hi her head against his shoulder, slipping her hand inside his shirt and running her fingers backwards and forwards across his skin You okay? she murmured, after a while, and he nodded

I just can't stop thinking about it, he said I don't knohat to do about i