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I walked back toward Monroe’s car and let the darkness slide over me

Chapter Eleven

Monroe

I drea I hadn’t done in months

And sure, I should have seen it co after my hospital visit—I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to knoould trigger all the bad things I’d been trying to forget—but still…I wasn’t ready

I wasn’t ready to see his wavy blond hair touching tanned skin, or that one long piece that always fell over his eyebroasn’t ready for the freckles along the bridge of his nose, so light they appeared to be sprinkles of cinna lashes and the way they licked the tops of his cheeks when his eyes were closed It hurt to see his dimple, the birthmark just under his collarbone, and the way it felt as if I was his entire world when he looked at me

I wasn’t ready for any of it, and that’s why I woke up with screa sweat froround them down another layer

The ache inme fro, sobbing quietly I stuffed my fist into my mouth because it was late, or rather it was early in the , and I didn’t want to wake Gram

She didn’t need to see me like this Weak and broken I knew she had hope Hope that I’d come out of this summer ahead, maybe parthole

I also knew that her hope was false, but I didn’t want to crush it

The panic, though, was real, and I knew the drill, so I counted backward, starting at twenty I had to do

it more than once or twice even, and when I was finally calm—when the breath didn’t catch ininto my room

But it was hours before I left it

“Monroe, have you talked to your parents today?”

We were on the porch, and I had just sat down beside Gra my feet beneath me as I curled into the white wicker chair I stared down atsyrup had dripped fro pancakes onto the white T-shirt I scraped it off with er, sucked it from the tip, and waited a few seconds to answer Not because it was a trick question or anything, but because I hadn’t called home and I didn’t particularly want to call ho to make me