Page 1 (1/2)

Chapter One

Monroe

My gra She’d been very matter of fact as she poured us each an iced tea on a steamy afternoon

It was the kind of afternoon when the air sizzled and stuck to the insides of your clothes The kind of afternoon that made your skin clammy and your muscles lazy I remember that the birds were quiet but the locusts chimed like mini buzz saws

Funny, the things that you reet no matter how hard you try

On that particular afternoon, we’d sat on her front porch in the rain, Graht of the water, her two cats Mier curled at our feet I’m sure I wore some trendy New York outfit that was totally inappropriate for Louisiana in August, and Graenteel southern attire,” which basically meant cotton instead of linen or silk

We settled back in our chairs and chatted about the soccer tea, and she toldas I applied myself Of course I believed her with all the enthusiasm an eleven-year-old who has never been hurt or disappointed feels

Why wouldn’t I? This was Gra

I tried my hardest and made the team

But that was before Malcolm Before the awful year that had just passed That was before I learned that my charmed life could bleed That pain could beco, and that happiness was just a word that didn’t

And now, at the ripe old age of sixteen and a half, I don’t knohat I believe in anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be fixed

It’s not like I haven’t tried

I went to private therapy I went to group counseling I read the books that I was supposed to read, did the relaxation exercises that I thought were stupid, and took the ave me

In fact, I loved how those little blue pills —which isn’t very different fro is sowith

I suppose it’s why they weaned me off them “Addict” wasn’t exactly a labelelse that rong with me

My point is…I did it all I tried

It’s just hard to succeed at soet better for my parents, I can’t make myself care Not even for them My therapist says I need to care for myself first

And therein lies the problem The catch-22 I just don’t care anymore Not really

Yet there are moments where, if I try real hard, I can close my eyes and smell the rain Not just any rain, o afternoon