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“That was the fore of letters in the mailbox,” I said, my voice barely audible “I’m just upset”

“Why did you hit him? Do you know him? Was he one of Dan’s friends?”

I shook iven the letters by mistake He returned them That’s all” I turned to her, my eyes blurry “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I’m very upset”

“Of course,” she said and put her arWe’re all upset today It’s a hard day”

I nodded I wanted to go and see Dan’s plaque, touch it Seeing Beckett had ruined the day forwith him, how much I enjoyed his company, how there was a part of me that I tucked away, back in the farthest corner ofmore would develop between us

Then to find out that he lied to me about so much…

We walked back to the me softly about his earliest memories of Dan as a boy How he alanted to play soldier, right from his earliest days Hoas so proud of Dan when he joined up and then made Special Operations Forces

I stood and cried my eyes out, and in truth, my tears were for Dan and for myself I had hoped that Beckett was someone who could fill the hole in h no one could ever replace Dan, there ht be room in there for someone different Someone new

I thought Beckett was that soreat with him It felt so damn easy

Why had he deceived me?

I felt incredibly guilty that I was as upset about Beckett as I was about Dan

“Let’s go,” Jeanne said and put an arether, the three of us left the ce with the other families

I had thought I’d be able to say et over his death or his loss, I could find someone else to fill part of the hole his absence left inside of me

Now, all I felt was empty

CHAPTER TWENTY