Page 52 (1/2)

“Because you fell for her,” Casey said, her voice chiding “You read her letters You oner Tell her the truth”

“What do you mean, I mooned over her for weeks?”

“You did, Beckett, you bastard,” Casey said with a laugh “You are such a dick You’re in love with this girl and you couldn’t stop yourself”

“I’ Love was a word I couldn’t face Being in love was that feeling of being sed up in a warm ocean, the water blissful, but you are unable to breathe…

Kind of the way I felt when thinking of Miranda When talking with Miranda When lying naked with Miranda …

Fucking Christ…

I spent the next day busy with the retreat, doing all these teaether after the trau one of the founders, and half the staff I tried to focus, but found hts of Miranda and the turmoil in my mind over what I should do about her

I knehat Casey said was right I had to confess

But really, truthfully, what good would that do? I couldn’t tell her I was in the crash – my presence there was confidential SAD ops were never publicized or admitted in public, nor were operatives permitted to reference any particular operation

In truth, I had to deny I was even at the crash site by law The only people who knehat I did in Afghanistan, outside of those directly involved, were Graham and Brandon and that was only because they were part owners of Brimstone

I couldn’t have a relationship with Miranda For fuck’s sake – her brand new husband died because of me A brutal nasty death It was because of my mission with SAD that ere in that part of Iran Yes, Dan was always at risk when he was deployed, but this was purely to see if my tech worked in the field

I should have just walked away Not called her Not seen her again

She’d be pissed She’d be hurt but she’d move on Go back to Manhattan and her classes and then the FBI internship after Christent and they’d fall in love…

Fuck

I didn’t want to think of losing a woman like her