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Forever

From what I was told, I lost my balance and fell backward I sure as shit don’t remember The fall must’ve made some impression, because even years later they still talked about it, every one of ainst the floor

I hit so hard I went into convulsions, and ended up in a full-blown seizure Mr Reilly aged a whole decade that day, or so he toldyears after I went back to visit him before he passed away

In any case I woke up in the hospital some forty hours later, dizzy and disorientated, but no less worse for wear Other than having the worst headache in the history of headaches, I felt totally fine In fact, I actually felt clearer than normal Much clearer, as if sonitive perception and I could see everything with a stark new clarity

It eird, because I got better grades after that too My parents joked that the fallback into place that suddenly ht Toinside inally meant to be, but for some reason, never was

Other than that, there was no way to knohat I could really do Not until I actually did it That part happened a few ain at school A kid nas while I was hanging upside-down on the monkey bars I fell to the sand and hurt e was frohter, which hurt my pride

I saw hih as he could Trying to do that thing kids do, where they actually believe if they swing fast enough they’ll pull off that ical ‘full loop’

Watching hiry I wanted him to fall, wanted hiining it in my mind’s eye Saw it actually happen, and the visualit back and forth like a pendulum, as if I could somehow make the disaster unfold

At the very apex of his next swing I flicked ers outward, as hard as I could

And then I pushed

Scotty didn’t just slip off the swing, he went flying I watched in abstract disbelief as he sailed through the air and slaood twenty yards away froset He tried to screas

A whistle blew The teacher’s aids ca And a whole crowd of kids swarmed quickly around him

The griht I’d enjoy was spoiled by worry Not worry for Scotty — he could fuck off, really Worry that someone would knoas me

Scotty broke his collarbone in three places, and becaend from that moment onward Onto really sink in

Scotty hadn’t done this, I had I’d been the one responsible for what happened