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“So,” she said “We need to talk”

“Captain to XO?” he asked, carefully

She shook her head “Naomi to Jim”

The dread that bloo it She felt its echo in her own chest It was strange that after all she’d done – all the demons she’d faced and escaped – this should still be so hard Holden’s hand terminal chimed, and he didn’t even look at the screen The lines around hishe didn’t like His hands folded together, strong, controlled, calo back on the Canterbury How he’d radiated charm and certainty and how much she’d hated it at first Howtoo much like Marco And then howlike him at all

And now, she would break her rule of silence, and the thing they had between theht Marco ht still be able to empty her, and he wouldn’t even have to spend the effort of being aware of it Existing was enough

“I don’t,” Jih his eyebrows, like he was the one feeling guilty for it all “We all have pasts We all have secrets When you took off, I felt… lost Confused Like part of one And now that you’re here, I aht here? It’s enough”

“Are you saying you don’t want to know?”

“Oh lord, no No, I’d pretty ly deep curiosity and floating jealousy But I can deal with those I don’t have anyyou don’t want to than I ever did If there’s anything you don’t want to say —”

“I don’t want to say any of this,” Naoh this part, no?”

Ji at the foot of the bed, his face to hers His hair was the color of coffee with just a little crea sky was supposed to be

“Then we’ll get through it,” he said with a siht her by surprise and drew out laughter, even here

“Well,” she said “When I was in olis and burning through the engineering courses on the networks as fast as I could, and there were ships that cah dock Belter ships Hard-core”

Jim nodded, and then – to her surprise – it was easy In herher past to Jiust and recriminations Or worse, of pity Jim, who for all his faults was sometimes capable of perfection, listened carefully and conant young She’d been involved – at first without knowing it – in the sabotage of inner planets ships She had a son named Filip who had been taken frohts, and realized it was very nearly the first time she’d talked about them openly, without a veil of ironic hu the words out loud felt like being in a drea up from one

And then, sohted soul that was always supposed to be a trau a conversation She’d found a way to get a etting it, and the conversation he’d been having with Monica Stuart, and why he’d felt betrayed by her And then backtracked to how she’d been kidnapped, and then before that to her plan to use the proto ships And then they went back to the Chetzeht up the way he always nested one scheot back around to Cyn, Alex and A over each other like birdsong Jiainst them and, when he came back, settled beside her, his back to the headboard too

When she did talk about killing Cyn during her jump, Jim took her hand They were silent for a rief It was real, and it was deep, but it was also coer at her old friend and captor She hadn’t let herself be aware of that at the ti back, her whole stretch on the Pella see into herself Except when she’d defied Marco She res he only pretended to be, wondered whether she should tell that part of the story, and then did Jihed They lost track of their stories and spent tenthe timeline back: the Chetzemoka left the Pella after Jim and Fred had already departed froate the Pau Kant before the rocks dropped on Earth? Oh right Okay She got it now