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I push the thoughts away because I’onna let him bloay those cobwebs! But not those cobwebs I have no intention of sleeping with him Not on a first date

I’ for the door handle It’s not like he-who-should-not-be-thought-of even went out on a date withsex My shoulders sag,from my shoulder down my arm Unicorn sex, and boy, did I ride that man’s horn It was the kind of sex I’d never had before, and wonder if I’ll be lucky enough to ever experience again

I giveEspecially when you’re not in the privacy of your own bedroo on the door, I step out and lock it behind rassy courtyard Today’s weather forecast? A light litters like tiny gemstones The kind that turns hair frizzy and unruly, so it’s always best to be armed with an umbrella

I’ for the kitchen to call in on my castle homies, but then I see I’ve left out the sandwich board I’d so artfully decorated, which reads:

Welcome to Miss Boo’s class

Coiven an energy drink and taught to curse during the first lesson

You can bet I’d posted a photo of this to Instagra with one I’d snapped of the old stocks and another of the peacocks displaying their plue In fact, I’ve taken quite a lot of photos onin a spider web Rainbows over the castle chimneys The dark beauty of the nearby mountains My sparkly sneakers reflected in a puddle I’d used a filter for that one, given how they’ve beco in a puddle or ten

Kilblair Castle has offeredsocial media, but I’ve found I just don’t post very often I nal up here is pretty ot 4G, she’d gotten red in the face and started to splutter Turns out, she thought I’d said orgy But at least there’s Wi-Fi So my phone out of the een the hours of three and four am At least, that’s what it seems like But it’s not just the lack of tech that keepsI can’t explain it, but it’s almost like I want to keep this place to myself I do share plenty with Kennedy, and I think she appreciates seeing where I ah she has re Scottish men in them

Seriously, I’ve yet to see one kilt-wearing man

Maybe the whole thing is a myth

Or just for TV

Folding the sandwich board, I lug it back towards the door, which I unlock while balancing both board and u theic fros, sessions centre around the castle and its history There are outfits to dress up in, long dresses and capes, even fake suits of armour Then, in the afternoon, itch to “lessons” at Tollbridge School of Sorcery and Enchanth “first-year students” aren’t ever allowed to have their feet lift froround Then we take part in a ht turn ordinary raisins intoones or concoct some witches brew slime It’s a fun job, but it’s not day-care, and that’s what the sign is all about The job is entertaining kids that come in accompanied by their parents

I leave the sandwich board leaning against the wall, and I’m in the castle kitchen in minutes

“Did you see him arrive?” Chrissy asks, her tone awed “He came in one of them flashy STDs”

“I don’t knoho you’re talking about, but whoever he is, I’ else” I drop my umbrella, more commonly known as a brolly hereabouts, into the brass stand, droppingthe switch on the kettle I wonder if I can persuade Isla to get a ?

“What did I say?” Chrissy’s ample form turns my way, bread knife in hand

“You said Dylan Duffy arrived with chlamydia,” Marifrom her phone

“I thought his as called Ivy?”

I begin to chuckle though stop abruptly when Chrissy points the knife irl, Ivy,” she says, her expression firandy on the side She’ll no’ stand for it!”