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Chapter 1

There Is No Cure for Awesome

I wasn’t one to brag, but I had a good life Screw that I was one to brag and I was going to do it as often and as loudly as I could, because I had the greatest fucking life in all the history of great lives Not many people could boast like I could boast Not many people were in the most successful band in the world Just uess Whatever

And in thirteen days, eighteen hours, thirty-two ain The su up fast, and I was itching to get started I’d waited in the background long enough, been playing an instruh This tour, everything was going to change It was ht I was going to rule that fucking stage, and no one was going to stop me

When I first joined the D-Bags a few years ago, I had been under the coical assumption that once my overall awesouitarist; I’d even told the guys as h Matt had agreed withivethe musical star They’d shoved ed front and center—lead guitarist was practically tattooed on ht up the fact that Matt and I should switch instruments, they blew off my request with ridiculous comments like, “Matt has more talent” Whatever My left nut had more talent than Matt; he wished he was as awesootten if I was really given a chance to shine Well, fuck that I didn’t plan on staying in the shadows for long Nobody put the Hulk in the corner Nobody

Thankfully, I had been blessed with panty-dropping good looks, a s physique, more sexual kno than an A-list hooker, and er than most possessed in their entire bodies I was a lucky son of a bitch too, and things had a way of working out for ood kar fucktastic Take nant withKansas Kansas! But my dad lost his job and we had tosqueezed out in the Land of Spotlights—Los Angeles Straight out of the woreatness

Even at a young age, being a rock star had appealed to me—I dressed up as Gene Simmons for six Halloweens in a row I think it was the idea ofwhen they sawput on a pedestal was intoxicating Who wouldn’t want that? Plus, what profession, outside of porn and prostitution, guaranteed you all the sex you could handle? None that I could think of

But I supposed Matt was the real reason for ht years of our lives, then we’d lived on the sah we drove each other crazy more often than not, ere al fun ofas I could remember, Matt had been obsessed with -an-intervention obsessed

When ere preteens, he used to say shit like, “Music is life,” and “Everything else is just background noise” I think crap like that hy Matt had been a virgin until he was nineteen And a half He’d devoted his entire young life to music, but what he’d failed to realize was thatof tiet people laid Sex was life…literally…and everything else was just background noise After Matt’s first time, I think he started to understand that fact He’d certainly eased off on the “Music fuels the world” comments

Unlike h He’d thought it was a pipe dream, but I’d known it was inevitable All we had to do ait for the right moment Wait for fate to find us And it had

After high school, I’d kept my options open It used to driveproductive after I graduated—by the skin of my teeth I’d sort of aenerate That’s whatwas everything, and I couldn’t take the risk of being stuck at so on my door It wasn’t laziness, it was preparedness I needed to be free, to be one with the winds of change, or soood thing I was too, because if I’d had coet out of, Matt and I never would have been able to form a band with Kellan and Evan

We et rind with me, but after a few shots at the bar, I could have talked Matt into anything Fucking lightweight Matt, as always, was coirls Because I cared about his personal growth, and because it was hilarious to watch hiirls We were kicked out of the club twenty h I o stick up on stage was frowned upon? Inthe show