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“Jayden called He asked if anted to hook up next weekend Could be fun We haven’t played together in a while”
He should jump at this idea He really should It was just sex He and Parker had always seen it that way They had rules in place and it worked for theut on fire the way it used to “We can if you—”
“You’re not happy” Parker cut him off Matt closed his eyes and let out a deep breath before he turned sideways on the couch to face his boyfriend
“I should be I don’t knohy I’m not” He paused and then added, “You aren’t either” It was different with Parker than it ith Matt He was happy in his life, in his career, but Matt wasn’t naïve He kneasn’t giving Parker what he wanted the way he used to Matt didn’t feel like he was getting it either, which shouldn’t be the case because again, nothing had changed
“I don’t knohat’s wrong with ainst the back of the couch “It’s not just with you”
“I know” Parker put a hand on his knee “I’ht now this is about us I care about you, Matt You know that, but I think we need to be real honest with each other right now Things haven’t been good for a while We need to face that fact”
Matt waited for the fight to rise inside of hi he had always been able to say about hi ca or will to find a way to ret “I’m sorry”
“Don’t be” Parker nudged hiood run, but I think the i on with you”
I don’t knohat’s wrong with me
But he wished he did He should be , had nothing, been the kid who didn’t really fit in, even with his best friends and noanted for God’s sake He had an expensive apart face was on billboards
Why do I feel so empty?
“Have you talked to Oliver?” Parker asked
“Huh?” Matt frowned What was he supposed to say to Oliver? And as Parkerhim? They hadn’t even met before He’d always kept his New York life and his California life separated because he didn’t feel like New York Matt and California Matt were the same person
“Eh I just figured you would have spoken to him You talk to him more than you do anyone else If I were the jealous type, I ht have disliked him on principle”
That was a surprise He would have never expected to hear Parker say he could be envious of Ollie…but he did know he feltto Oliver than anyone else On the flip side, Parker had seen sides of his Oliver wouldn’t understand because he was so goddamned perfect and Matt would always be flawed
Still…heParker mention Oliver made Matt miss him more “There would never be a reason to be jealous of Ollie He’s my best friend and that’s all We’re too different” Oliver had always felt a responsibility toward Matt He knew that How could he not? He’d known Matt as the kid whose mom worked for his family Then the kid who liked to play the piano but never had ed his parents to sponsor so he could go to an arts high school Matt could never have gotten into on his own
He appreciated what Oliver did for him, and he alould, but there was no reason to be jealous “This isn’t about Oliver,” Matt added, hoping that would take Oliver fro to do about work?”
“There’s nothing to do You’re my client if you want to be You know that, Matt We’re friends outside of our careers, but you’re not working anyway You’reexcuses not to work I think you need to ask yourself why Take soure out what you want”
What the hell would he do? Before he wasto one to school like he planned He’d eventually stopped trying to co ever ca was all he had “It’s my career What choice do I have?”