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“No I made this for you” Ian rolled his eyes “I can’t believe you’re older than me”

Paul had forgotten all the si like spoons, telling your drea comfortable around so completely with half sentences and facial expressions, the joy of not having to do or say anything

He was constantly inspired by Ian—his spontaneity, his playfulness, and his unique outlook on life Yet it was still his beauty that coination Paul loved Ian because he was beautiful, and Ian was beautiful to Paul because he loved him He did not knohich caan

Sara had been beautiful to Paul, but not a true beauty She would never have been confused for a runway model Ian could be (A “male model,” people always say, because beauty is a woman’s job and male beauty an aberration) Paul felt like the popular kid in school for the first time There was only one problem: he couldn’t tell anybody

Sara had been his girlfriend, then his fiancée and his wife Everyone knew about their status To the world Ian was nothing more than his eo after hily to Ian’s beauty that he could not i any differently Paul still found it hard to believe that someone so attractive could possibly fall for someone like him One day Ian would wake up and realize his error too When he did, there would be fifty guys waiting Paul saw predators everywhere

Woes instinctively flirted with Ian Paul didn’t mind that It wasn’t a threat The real problem was the men Whenever Ian smiled at a male church lances and hter, and he saw them everywhere It didn’t ht, happily rin became a seduction, a mere prelude to a passionate embrace, an invitation to a bedroom or a dark corner

During the week, the church was a predominantly female environment, and Paul was co his work It created no anxiety On Sundays, however, he found it hard to let Ian out of his sight He stood in the doorways and around the corner fro coffee hour went on a bit too long, Paul would approach and tell Ian there was a bathroo He was a guard dog, circling,He had never been so driven to distraction by jealous impulses before It made him feel out of control, and he hated it

The Lunchroom

One of the most famous mountain aphorisms is that “the only Zen you find at the tops of mountains is the Zen you take up there” Another way to put it is, “That which you are seeking is causing you to seek” It was the lesson Dorothy learned in Oz (at the top of an enchanted mountain where she melted the Wicked Witch) The corollary is that unless they are surprised out of their coenerally see exactly what they expect to see and no ht in front of theht never know it is there

The spontaneity and lack of pretense that so inspired Paul also drove him crazy at times Ian was social and talkative and a coirls in the office, especially with Julie Paul had not hidden the fact that Ian had regation, knew But Paul hoped he could preserve the illusion that Paul and Ian were a bit like a father and an adopted son

But nothing could stop Ian froether When Julie talked about her husband or Emily about her boyfriend, Ian would juet Paul to try anything new,” or “Paul snores like a stea for the day when he would casually mention which side of the bed he slept on

Fortunately, he had one secret weapon—Ian’s face The women in the office were all so infatuated with Ian that they were entirely blinded to the seely obvious fact that when talk turned to boyfriends, Ian iht about the minister They simply never made the connection

One day in late Dece ready for lunch, Ian ca the church ays His nose and cheeks were red He sniffled and ju

“It’s freezing out there,” he said

“You poor thing!” Marlee said “Do you want soious education office closet”