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With her Pakistani friends who do know of us as a couple, they see nness, reh this is a problee” At least they are honest about their feelings

“Oh, you’re A to me To undercut their complaints about American culture (or to empathize with my condition, I’m never sure which), they add, “sorry”

In truth I usually feel more coe Aree with their criticisms

“I have the best of both worlds,” she says of me “You have an American personality, but Asian values”

At her favorite Pakistani restaurant, theour orders, a non-Pakistani, doesn’t understand when she asks in English for three cups of tea

“Teen chai,” I say

“Ah, teen chai,” he agrees

She and I laugh She wantsin my American accent Her culture will never be mine, nor mine hers It’s a relief It’s a relief to date someone who understands the odd composite that is me, who doesn’t expect me to explain et along so easily We accept each other as experts in our own experience

I marvel sometimes at her ability to co less flexible than her Urdu There’s a siue There’s a clarity, too, for a certain kind of thinker

What appeals to nness” It’s the way she feels like home She’s similar to what I would’ve, could’ve been When so much is ruled out, it leaves clarity around what is

She will never ally recognized in one countrythat cannot exist in another

With her country, I run up against the limits of American belief in possibility It’s too intractable there It’s not just about one’s own life, she tellsthose one loves—her aed afterlife, from death threats

Even though she’ll defend Pakistan passionately against any criticisainst misrepresentations and the ways only certain stories are told, she, too, chafes at the restrictions woious fervor of conservatives She knows her country won’t change anytime soon She loves it anyway I ca: “To love a Pakistani is to love Pakistan” This, we agree, is true