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I asked hient, so well read, could have had such a complete lack of respect for women

His response was that their fights were actually a sign of respect, because it showed that he viewed himself and my mother as equals He added, too, “I wouldn’t hit her now Because she’s not equal anymore You see?”

That sentiment was supposed to make me feel better, I think—to reassurefroe Alzheimer’s He wasn’t that sort ofThat logic can be so twisted

In that saht me, as an adult—to try to hurt ht back!”

Even at the tie was Hoas issued long after relevancy Yet somehow I needed to proclaier, and to finally stand up To rid myself of my fear of him

His response was sadness and confusion “There’s soht you were different She always said you were nice But you’re so angry”

I de he’d done, whether he was sorry

“Yes, of course, I’m sorry But what can I do now? It’s in the past”

He’d never been able to adret Somehow, after all the denials, the counterattacks, the refusals to engage, it was the only thing left unsaid

He and I rarely saw each other He hadn’t known, until that conversation, how much thoseto understand this man, in spite of myself

His advice to et about it You should just move on with your life”

That conversation felt final After that, there was nothing left to say

Like o back in time I can’t alter my narrative I can only write into the future It wasn’t that my father was blaht, when I would hear hi down the hallway, or down the stairs I knew the warning signs for his explosions

But what has haunted hts unfold, as though I atching TV I watched, and did nothing, as the ones I loved screamed for help