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the fact that you wouldn’t answer s in the back pocket of her jeans and produces her cell phone “You’re forcing ht this on yourself”

“What are you doing?” I ask nervously, as she thuh her phone and taps a button

She switches the call to speaker and holds her hand out I try grabbing it from her the second I see the contact na

“Mio caro,” my mother says, in her thickly-accented voice “To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”

“Hi, Mamma,” Charlee replies “I’m over at Brody’s You’re on speakerphone”

Let’s pause for a minute to rewind Do you remember when I told you that my mother is Sicilian? What I failed to mention, was that she’s really Sicilianas in born and raised on that tiny island off the coast of Italy She cae which is where she met my dad and she never moved back Anyway, did you ever see that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where the Barones went to Italy? There was this teeny little grey-haired woman that everyone was afraid of despite her s to feed everyone You knoho I’ about now? Well, that’s my mom She always means well, and Charlee and I never wanted for affection, but she can be a littleoverbearing at times

“Brody! You need to call your mother ood girl You need to take lessons from Carlotta”

I glare at Charlee “Yes, Mamma”

She sirl and he won’t talk to me about it”

“BJ!” my mom shrieks “Why you no tell me you have a lady in your life?”

Yep, she called me BJ It’s her affectionate little nicknae every time I hear it Do I really need to explain why? All the future parents out there, hear me out If your kid’s first name starts with a B and their middle name starts with a J, please never, ever, cut it down to initials Trust me when I tell you that it will save your child years of embarrassment

“Mo to tell”

“He’s lying, Moht”

She laughs when I flip her off

“Tell your Ma, ao home”