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“Just great,” I answer “The same as always”

“I’ve got news…” she trails off, and I hear the wariness in her voice

“What’s that?” I lean back against the fridge, pretending like I didn’t hear the hesitation

“Nina, she’s uh… she’s pregnant”

A piercing pain hits ht where my heart sits I close my eyes and count to ten, before I open them and move back to the counter I’ve lied to my family They believe I can’t have kids because I have a defect that prevents it I don’t want them to know that it’s my

choice not to have them That I can’t have a real relationship to have them They still don’t know of my addiction, and as far as I’m concerned, they never will I know deep in e me or look at me differently, but I still don’t want them to know

An i by him as he holds a dark-haired baby It’s ours, I know it is, but it’s a stupid fantasy, so I push it away

“This is great!” I say cheerily “I’ is she?” I know h, as I try to hide the pain I’

“Abigail—”

“No, Moain “I’m fine, really This is wonderful news Now, tellshe is, please”

It takes her several seconds before she decides to let it go I’ so painful right now This is about my sister, and I’m happy for her

“Six weeks She wanted to tell you herself, but orried it would upset you”

I stuff some frozen cheese raviolis in the freezer “You tell her I’m just fine, and that I’m happy for them both Let her know I expect her to scan the ultrasound to my phone I wanna see the little peanut”

“You could always come visit and see it in person,”deal that she asked me to visit

I lean ainst the freezer door and take several deep breaths This is why I don’t like talking to et o see them, I miss them so much, but it’s difficult to come up with excuses why I can’t have dinner with theht Why I choose to stay in a hotel, versus staying in ht years, I’ve only visited them a handful of times, and each and every time, it’s hard to leave, but it’s also hard to see the this secret They’ve coain, I have to coht