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I glance at the side of Vann’s face while he concentrates on his sketch, despite Mr Schubert carrying on with today’s lesson Does Vann even take notes anymore? But as he methodically adds feathers to his latest de foolish about all of this again Vann could be straight, and this whole Kingsley ordeal is just hi a role I can’t be so lucky as Jiht his whole childhood, only to wake up one day in his arht be my confidant, but he is not the example of what usually happens in these situations Vann can be very, very hetero for all I know, and I can be very, very out of luck What if I kiss hi to watch my heart break the moment the curtain falls on our last performance, and there’s no more reason left to kiss him?

That reality would crush me

I’h PE, e are taken outside to jog on the actual track that goes around the stadiulued-to-lances his way,with so many questions I wish sometimes I was as bold as him, able to just ask him what I want Is that why I’m so drawn to him? His confidence? His refusal to hide in any shadohatsoever?

We’re sweatyout of our gyripes Vann, his face creased with irritation, his eyes swi laps in that insane heat?”

I shrug “Heat strokes are a real concern here There are all of these new regulations for football practices and stuff,” I point out, regurgitating things Lee said during dinner over the years—and surprising“Like, they can’t do brutal two-a-days all week anymore like they used to They can’t even require attendance for them They—”

“What the hell are two-a-days?” blurts Vann as he peels off his shirt, then proceeds to wipe down his face and chest

And there goes lued to his body, to his lean build, to his everything, my answer is delayed and comes in a spurt of fractured sentences I can only hope make sense Vann doesn’t respond as he sits down on the bench and leans back against the lockers, eyes closed, and breathing deeply, his skin still glossy from sweat I just stand there like an idiot and watch him, at a loss for words

And ht after ie’s

And us hanging out after that

Getting comfortable with the script …

“Hard practice two ti sadistic that only a real idiot would agree to”

I open my mouth to make a funny point about the fact that we are about to do exactly that—hanging out tonight to go over the script again, after enduring a long afterschool rehearsal—but the is and wait for Vann, still shirtless and sweaty, to recover I ignore the yearning growl of my stomach, desperate for lunch

I continue to ignorelater in rehearsal as Ms Joy leads us through an experi us “plenty to think about and dissect as we enter the weekend” It involves pairing up, sitting in chairs across fro personal facts about ourselves whileour partner’s hands without interruption It has so physical and mental focus—or whatever Kelsey, who plays the café waitress, is paired up with Marissa Frankie is nearby, too, with Eht is Tamika, who joined in because we have an odd nu his hands in circles He’smy movements as we spit out factoids about ourselves

“My stepbrother used to wet the bed,” I mutter, zombielike

“I had a cat that ran away in Chicago,” Vann responds in just as sis

“But, like, when he was fourteen,” I as …

“The cat was na”

“I so like me, and I barely remember my dad”

The voices of others deadpanning random personal facts to each other buzz around our ears like fruit-hunting flies, but Vann and I stay focused only on each other—and the now sixtyish things we’ve shared Our facts see a more personal turn