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But I' to tell myself that I don't need a whole-ass tether I just need one rung at a tirip onto for a second Maybe not soot a ss could be okay

I' withthat, I know I'll die I' onto little weird shit Like the way this detergent here so out—we can go out with or without a chaperone—I can go to a bookstore

My wallet had four twenties in it, two fives, and three ones I'ure out a way to see myself differently Be different Not like a victim

But it's not happening tonight I wake up at 1:02, sobbing so hard I can't breathe My whole body's shaking, amped up on adrenaline and all this other fuckshit I sit up in bed and lean ainst the headboard

No one's coht this happens, I get a handle on it fast, and no one comes in

I breathe in through h my mouth Try to feel the bed under me

You're okay You're not at Alton, angel

I put a hand overthe pillow to el Where did I hear that? I can’t help a puzzled s is such a surprise, that more tears come

You’re okay You’re not at Alton, angel

Five

Josh

April 19, 2019

"Josh, wake up We're almost there"

My eyes flip open and focus on a plane of gray before I understand what I' at: the interior roof of my mom's white Maxima Once I've blinked, I wish I hadn't—because now I have to look at her

I do, and Mom forces a smile "We're ales

I sit my chair up and blink out the"Looksdeveloped" I've been to Auburn before, but it was a few years ago, to watch a college football game with Bren and Marcel

"There are a lot h-rises than I re looks very student-oriented"

Mo us toward ca, known as Samford Hall

"Do you wantat her cell phone

"I've got it"