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I should crack through this thick wall of nothingness and find the will to kill myself

I play it all cool for my mom on the way to my ECT session

Gotonto this albu for Fairplay Usually, I like it, but when Mo claw in

I don't like it It likehurts

I'

"Christopher?"

"I'm fine, Mom"

"No you're not What's the matter?" She asks in an almost whiny tone, like this shit really puts her out

"I just told you, nothing"

"You're grabbing your chest I see it in the rearview ain? From your medications?"

"No It's heartburn"

"Well, you haven't eaten"

"I don't make the rules, Mom"

She's quiet for the rest of the drive After I sign in, she sits besideto gas up the car and get some snacks for you I'll be back before you're finished"

"Okay Bye"

She never really says bye Since what happened on the bus—since she found out for sure aboutnear me

I think as I follow the nurse down the long hall how it's funny that these people here have no idea what happened to et that old, fa inone

It's the sa and dance each ti it

"Yeah How many more now?"

"After this, I believe it will be four more sessions"

I shrug "Let’s just get it over with"

Since I' up onto the bed when I look at my elbow

MILLER

Why does it fill me with so much dread? I look down at the spot where the nae now

MILLER

"Is there a chance that every tiet

What if I forget how to play football?

That leads to a ten-plus-minute talk with Dr Katz, which basically yields the information: almost definitely not