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“Valium, GABA, 5-HTP, Sam-e, Clonidine…”

I see her face inwith herto look chill when she isn’t

“You were taking those then?”

I alh Her tone is cautious—as if I’lass

“It’s the subs and Valiu benzos, Valiu you taper off And Clonidine and the other shit is just to make it better”

“I’m not sure I understand”

“The other shit was shit to help ithdrawal”

“It was all in the one bottle?”

“Siant ibuprofen bottle I could carry around when I was jonesing, and over-the-counter stuff in another one When she walked in onnot to take a top-off dose of Valium

Silence swi head, I can feel her biting her tongue Not askin

g the thing she really wants to know So I just spare her

“Always been an addict, Siren” I want to add since seventh grade, but I know that I could never get that out “Started early I can quit That’s not the problem”

“What is? Do you relapse?”

I nod I’ve detoxed—big detoxes—twelve times total, but I can’t stay clean It’s ie Closet addict Puts the junk in junkie

I rubtrack of them