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I fold the last ofon the bare mattress It takes a lot of effort to zip it closed, and I' by the time I'm done

When I pull it off the bed, it drops to the floor with a thud

I stare around at the al that made it mine is now in boxes It's a shell, ready for the new renter ill be here tomorrow

I'm sure, they'll be happy here

I have been

A horn sounds outside, and then a car door slaht on time I hear her footsteps on the asphalt, and I shakesome clarity back to my mind before she sees me

I have to do this There isn't a choice There's no point in ing in what could have been or what should have been

Someti

But when it does, there's always the option of another future I learned that after Tyler

The trouble is that even thinking about trying to build a future without Tyler and the boys tightens my throat and hollows my chest

The door to the apartment is open, and Suzanne calls my name when she reaches the doorway

"Sandy Are you ready?"

"I'ainst the ache

"Wow" She looks around and then shakes her head "Not sure everything's gonna fit in the truck"

"We'll have toto pick up the key"

"Well, we'd better get a move on then," she says

I leave the suitcase where it is and focus on taking the heaviest boxes down to the truck with Suzanne It's a struggle, but weup a sweat

We packevery available space in the vehicle I concentrate on the practicalities and push my emotions down It’s what I’ve learned to do

The suitcase rests in the backseat along with my potted plants, alands on them while in transit