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derstand Sitting there, helpless, watching someone you care about sink deeper and deeper into oblivion" He shook his head, ran a hand through his hair "Christ, to do it again "

He tried not to think of Maeve, but he couldn't help hio, when he'd tried to extricate hihteen-year-old boy with nowhere to turn and no one to lean on He could still reht, taste it, feel the cold kiss of the snowflakes on his face and hair

She'd tried to kill herself-again-and Ian had found her, naked and shivering and bleeding in the big copper washbasin in the kitchen, her pale arms drawn protec-

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lively across her chest She hadn't wanted Ian to have had to clean up the blood

She hadn't minded that he'd find her body, or that he'd kno little she valued their family, or that he'd be utterly alone without her All she cared about was theout of place in the glea butcher knife she'd used to slit her wrists

Ian had snapped, unable suddenly to take it any, he bundled her up and carried her into the carriage They hadn't stopped until they reached the hospital He'd deposited her in Dr Wellsby's arms and walked away, his shirt and hands still smeared with his mother's blood

Ian, don't leave me here I'm sorry Please

It was a crystallizing moment in his life; he knew that now The fact that he could leave her in that place, sobbing and alone, had defined the greatest weakness in his character

Oh, he ht even try to, but it would be a halfhearted atteotten vow In the end, oodness lurked in his dark soul It didn't matter that three months-and two suicide attempts-later, he'd returned for Maeve, rescued her There was no redemption from the selfish cowardice of his true nature But there was honesty There was truth

"I can't do it, Johann" He sighed and bowed his head, sickened by his own character, repulsed by his oeakness

"She needs you to care about her"

"There is no her, Johann"

"The amnesia-"

"Didn't you learn anything froe She's not going to get her memory back She'll never be normal That's