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But so, had to say the thing that needed to be said Clearly, Vivi Ann was falling apart Losing it Winona ht not knowin ood

She moved toward her sister Vivi Ann looked like one of those skittish abused horses of hers, terrified and ready to bolt “This is killing you, Vivi,” Winona said as gently as she could “Believing in so that will never happen—”

“He will be released”

“I did sit in that courtroonore He—”

“Don’t say it, Win”

“You know it, Vivi You uilty You need to—”

Vivi Ann slapped her across the face so hard she stu Forever”

Chapter Seventeen

The years ground slowly forward

1997

1998

1999

Aurora tried to make peace within their family numerous tiiveness, and in truth, she didn’t try to make space Her father and Winona had wounded her too deeply Every Saturday, Vivi Ann dropped Noah off with Aurora and drove two and a half hours to the prison, so that she could sit behind a dirty Plexiglasand talk to Dallas through a heavy black receiver Roy filed one motion after another, each one a beacon of hope that crashed on the rocks She felt as if she were tied to a wicked seesahere every high and low took a little more of her soul away And when Roy finally called to say that the last state appeal had been denied, he’d added quickly, “But don’t worry, I’ll go federal” So she’d tried again to keep believing, and the

The only way she’d found to survive was to nu else She popped Xanax like jelly beans during the daytime, and they allowed her to move forward, to smile and talk and pretend to be in an ordinary world Aurora was her anchor in that atteht, she drank too htly or not at all So to theout for her, and trying to remember how it had felt to touch Dallas, to hold hi away, and without theave in, falling into a deep and troubled sleep on the sofa

On several of her Saturday visits she’d s—Noah’s first tricycle ride, his preschool’s winter party, even his fourth birthday She’d told herself at the ti, that if she told him his birthday was Sunday he’d believe her—and he had—but she’d seen the way Aurora looked at her, so full of pity, and Vivi Ann had had to turn away That night, after all the party decorations were in the trash, she’d taken so many shots of tequila that she’d