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“No”

He sighed in relief “Thank God”

“You said you dreamed about a little boy…”

“Drea He could feel hi, but as always, he couldn’t change it Didn’t really want to He felt empty inside, eviscerated by her revelation and his own fear “I said I’d wondered about a baby, but…” For a second he couldn’t go on, his throat was so full Finally he sed hard and looked at her He could see the pain in her eyes, knehat he was doing to her right now, and though he regretted it, there wasn’t a da ret Pretend It’s like turning Catholic at the end just in case It doesn’t ”

She was pale “What are you saying?”

God, it

hurt to let her down like this, to let hi a father He didn’t deserve a gift like that “Why did you tell me about her, Mad? Why?”

“I thought you needed a reason to live I thought Lina ht make a difference”

“No,” he said, realizing“What am I supposed to do, Mad, play daddy on a deathbed for soirl I’ve never e kid intoand kiss her and die a happybreath and feel better for having known me?”

“No” The as a croak of sound, broken “I thought…” She shook her head “I don’t knohat I thought”

“You were right not to contactsuddenly the truth about hi it “She wouldn’t have made a difference, Mad I would have walked from her just like I walked from you It’s what I do”

“But now—”

“I don’t want to meet her, Mad”

She drew in a sharp breath “Don’t say that She needs you”

“That’s exactly why I don’t want to“You knowto offer the kid I’ll be infatuated with her for a few days, et itchy, I’ll start drinking again, and I’ll start resenting her for keeping htened his voice “And then one day I’ll be gone”