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“I know, I know, but allow me my little fantasies I like to remember you as you were … when you didn’t wear combat boots and your favorite four-letter asand so was she as they made their way down the sidewalk
Beside his car, Lina stopped and looked up at him “What was I like … you knohen I was a kid? Was I so different from her then?”
Francis heard the pain in her voice, the uncertainty He led her toward a wooden bench at the corner and they sat down She huddled close to him, and suddenly she didn’t look nearly so cocky She looked like a thin young girl in big, ugly clothes—a child eagerly wanting to find a way to womanhood
He drew her close Together they leaned back into the bench and stared up at the crisp autumn sky “I remember your first day of school like it was yesterday You and yourin the U District Those were the days when she was doing her residency at the UW hospital and she orking around the clock You spent your days in the pediatric wing—hanging with the post-op kids in the recreational therapy room Your mom never slept She worked and studied, and every spare second she ith you, reading to you, playing with you, loving you like I’d never seen anyone loved before”
“Fairy tales,” Lina murmured “She used to read me fairy tales”
“Even back then, you were a fiery, independent little thing On the first day of kindergarten, your mom took the day off from work She dressed and re-dressed you until you looked like a doll with your shiny black shoes and pink hair ribbons and your Sesame Street lunch box It was set up that parents could ride the bus in with the kids on the first day—and Maddy was so excited She’d never ridden a school bus before, and she couldn’t wait
“But when you got to the bus stop, you turned to her and said you wanted to ride all by yourself”
Lina frowned “I don’t remember that”
“Well, I do Your mom almost burst into tears, but she wouldn’t let you see how hurt she was Instead, she let go of your little hand and let you get on that big bus all by yourself You didn’t even wave good-bye, just marched to an empty seat and sat down When the doors shut, Maddy raced home, jumped in that junker of a car she had, and followed the bus to school Crying all the way there and back” He turned to her, touched her cheek “She was so proud of you … and so scared”
“I know she lovesoff into the distance “And I love her It’s just… hard so with her It’s like some alien accidentally left me behind”
He tightened his hold “That’s part of growing up None of us knohere we belong We spend a lifeti to find out”
“Easy for you to say You love Mo to God”
He found himself unable to answer her But he wished—Lord, hoished—that it seemed as simple to him “Yes,” he said slowly “That pretty much sums up my life”
“Did you know Mom promised to contact my dad?”
For a second, Francis couldn’t draw a decent breath Finally he answered, “No, I didn’t know that”