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He scooped her into his arht to everyone, and carried her to their new roohtly, her face buried in the crook of his neck, and s It was the cheap stuff the kids gave him every Christmas

In the bathroom, he helped her to the toilet and let himself be her crutch as she brushed her teeth and washed her face By the time she was dressed for bed, she was exhausted She hobbled slowly across the rooain and carried her to bed, tucking her in "I dont kno I can sleep without you in bed with me," she said

"Iht, just yell "

She touched his face "I always need you You know that "

His face crumpled at that; she saw the toll her cancer had taken on him He looked old "And I need you " He leaned down and kissed her forehead

That scared her more than it should have; the forehead kiss was for old people and strangers She grabbed his hand, said desperately, "I wont break "

Slowly, still looking at her, he kissed her lips, and for a glorious moment, time and tomorrow fell away It was just them; when he drew back, she felt colder

If only there was so they could say; words that would ease them over this bumpy road

"Goodnight, Katie," he said at last, and turned away from her

"Night," she whispered back, watching hio to his own bed

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

For the next week Kate soaked in the early suhans in a chair by the beach, writing furiously in her journal, or talking with her kids or her husband or Tully Evenings were taken up by conversation; Lucas and Williaest, most run-on stories in the world By the end of the Afterward, the adults sat around the fire More and more often they talked about the old days, back when theyd been too young to know that they were young, when the whole world had seemed open to them and dreams were as easy to pick as daisies The funniest part of all atching Tully try to take over the household duties She burned dinners, bitched about an island world where no one delivered food to your home, ruined laundry, and repeatedly received instructions about how to operate the vacuum Kate especially loved it when she heard her friend mutter, "This at-home shit is hard Why didnt you ever tell me? No wonder you looked tired for fifteen years "

In any other circumstances it would have been the time of Kates life For once she was the center of attention

But no matter how hard they all tried to be normal, their life was a dirtythat couldnt be wiped clean Everything, every moment, was coated by illness As always, it fell to Kate to lead the way, to be the s as she reh and carry on the pretense of ordinary life

It was exhausting, all this propping up of their feelings, but what choice did she have? Soreat she upped her pain meds and curled up with Johnny on the couch and simply fell asleep When she woke up, invariably she was ready to sain