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That would change I didn't care how long it took; it would change Someday he would see that I could be that outlet for him I'd show him that

I didn’t let myself dwell on how I’d accomplish any of that and instead focused on the here and now because Jude was here; he ith ue ainst one another Jude's hands went up and downa fire beneath h that I could fit between theether My skin felt too hot and tight for ainst his

I'd intended to draw this whole thing out and follow through on the teasing I'd proone

Emotionally, physically, mentally

I just wanted to lose myself inside the man that I was already so far in love with that it scared the hell out of h as I pressed against hi one another

"Lube, condoainst hishim

Jude responded hat sounded like “drawer” againsthi to explode any second now I reluctantly dragged my mouth frohtstand open and shoved my hand inside I easily found a bottle of lube but after tossing it on the bed, my search for a little foil packet proved unsuccessful

While I'd been searching for ould need, Jude had taken advantage of the situation and had started running his hand up and down rowled, "No condoms"

It was then that Jude glanced in the direction of his nightstand drawer His eyes jumped back to mine "No, sorry, I meant the bathroom drawer I don't… I don't keep condoms in that one Just lube"

The revelation didn't mean much to me one way or another, but before I could cliet to the bathroom, he blurted, “It's not because I have unprotected sex!" There was a short pause as we both kind of just froze in place and then he added, “The lube is for when I feel like…"

I didn't need a light to see that his cheeks were turning red I could hear the embarrassment in his voice as he muttered, "Shit"

With any other guy, I would've laughed, but Jude wasn’t any guy With the way his brain worked, it was very likely that he was struggling to get his thoughts together and I wouldn’t risk huressed, I would get better at knohat Jude was feeling and when, but the lack of adequate lighting in the room made it impossible for me to read his eyes, so I had no way to know for sure if thehi to say

"Condoms are in the bathroom drawer," Jude said miserably, even as he moved his head so I could reach a particularly sensitive spot on his neck I sainst his hot skin I could hear in his voice that he was embarrassed but not humiliated

"So what is the lube in the nightstand for, exactly?" I asked hi voice

Jude responded with a sh I could hear the smile in the word

I grabbed the bottle of lube and leaned back enough that we could both look at it "This is a pretty sallon at Costco—"

Jude gave me another playful punch to the shoulder and then he did so unexpected He rolled us so I was suddenly beneath hi round his hips against mine The intensity between us returned as he dropped his mouth to mine But he didn't kiss me Instead, he softly said, "I don't keep condoms in that drawer because there isn't any reason to" Jude's eyes uy here, Nikolai Not in this apartment, and most definitely not in this bed"

My heart leapt at his admission

Why had he made an exception for me?