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As Nikolai hung his head next to mine, I could tell he was no better off Harsh breaths escaped his lips as he used his hands to fu It wasn't until he pulled out his wallet that I had an inkling of what he was looking for The sight of the condo re

I knew I could still stop all of this if I wanted to Truthfully, there was a tiny part of me that did want to stop because I knew that once this happened, once I felt Nikolai inside o I’d already lost so much of my heart to the man Was I really prepared to lose the rest of it? He’d said he neededspoken in the heat of the moment

So it really all boiled down to a siht and face the consequences to what it would've been like to be with thein love with in every way that mattered

My decision was ers shook as he tried to tear the condom packet open I covered his hand with mine then leaned into him and whispered, "Just breathe, sweetheart"

I wasn't sure if I'd oversteppedthe process and by the use of the endear beats, Nikolai nodded and then leaned in to brush his mouth over mine in the softest of kisses

"Sorry," he whispered

We were both still panting hard, and under norhast at the prospect of sitting naked on et fucked But so about all of this was different It was in the way that Nikolai held hi the momentary show of nerves These would be the moments that I would remember for the rest of my life When the time came where I did see ht at the top of the list Not the off-the-charts sex that was sure to follow, but the few seconds where I got to see that thefor was just as human as me

"Wanted to go slower," Nikolai admitted He motioned in the direction of the shower I foundas I realized he’d planned for us to start off in the shower Hell, maybe he hadn’t planned for us to have sex at all “Wanted it to be perfect,” he added

I leaned forward and brushed ainst his “It is, Nikolai"

I lifted one hand to the back of his neck so I could take control of our kisses I used the other hand to ease the condoers Nikolai immediately stepped forward and kissed me back and then settled his hands onin the perfection of his mouth I had no clue howinto rier

Nikolai tore his mouth from mine and looked down at the condom and lube I still had in my hand

“Put it onand desperate at the same time

As I fumbled with the condom packet, I tried to reht, everything would go back to normal

But I kneas a lie because there was no going back

I had no idea what to but for once, I didn’t care I only cared about thebefore me The one who made me feel needed with one touch The one who made me feel wanted with just one word

The one who h

Chapter 21

Nikolai

I really had had good intentions when I’d started this whole thing My plan had been for us to take a long, co shower, preferably one that would’ve finished with a hand job, followed by a night spent with Jude wrapped in s he’d told me

I certainly hadn't intended to fuck Jude for the first time on the vanity in his bathrooht've been able to dial it back a notch or two or fifty and follow through with un teasing one out theand possession had co winter storm That had led to the terrible fear that I would so else, including the joy of just being with hietting the damn condom open, let alone on, I was certain I’d lost any chance with the beautiful man before me, but thankfully, all I’d lost was a little bit of the assurance that I was the suave lover he deserved Hell, at the rate things were going, I wasn’t sure I could hold out long enough to be a competent one