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I knew Caleb was nervous about seeing his brother again With the way he'd left and his refusal to return ho a heavy dose of guilt Not to h over the past couple of years as they'd tried to help him recover from his ordeal And, of course, now there was the added complication of my and Caleb's relationship

As we got closer and closer to the Whidbey Island house, Caleb's tension continued to edge up I saw him reach for his forearm a few times, then catch himself He hadn't cut himself since that day e'd first boarded the boat, but I knew that didn't mean he was cured I'd used so for Ronan to arrive in Germany to research Caleb's condition I'd learned that it was very much like any kind of addiction With therapy and hard work, he'd get to a point where he learned to use different e to cut would likely always be there

Caleb and I hadn't talked about the self-injuring with all that was going on, but I kneas so we needed to address in the near future Forto learn how to deal with the fear and helplessness that ca I couldn't just make him stop I knew I'd hurt him deeply when I'd hidden the silverware and knives on the boat – it had been a knee-jerk reaction and I wasn't proud of it I'd selfishly wanted to avoid having to interact with hi with, but the fear that he'd hurt hi had been at the back of my mind, so I'd replaced the silverith the plastic cutlery I'd learned duringto remove sharp objects fro – he'd just find other ways to hurt hi I'd found the text about Maggie, and we'd talked about the issue enough that he'd agreed to try and reach out tothe stress that drove him to hurt himself

The sa now

I leaned in to kiss his temple and said, “Breathe, baby”

He drew in a breath, but didn't look at me His eyes were on Willa, as asleep in her car seat The back seat in Ronan's SUV was the bench kind and Caleb and I had been able to squeeze onto it, along with the car seat The irony wasn't lost onof Willa's existence, neither Caleb nor I could take our eyes off her for very long

“He'll hate me,” Caleb whispered “They both will”

“You know that's not true,” I said softly

“Does Mariana know I'm back?” Caleb asked Ronan

“She does She thought you and Eli could use so out to the house tomorrow At least, I think that's what she said – she couldn't stop crying when I told her I was going to pick you guys up,” Ronan said

As we reached the house and began the short trek up the driveway, Caleb looked at ht?”