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I felt Jace tense beneath ers stilled for athis whole thing out

“Then I remembered the kid’s expression from that day in the bathroom and I decided to try it I’ve never felt more in control than when I have that blade in my hand, Jace,” I admitted “I know that sounds fucked up—”

“It doesn’t,” Jace interjected “But you know it’s not real, right?”

I sighed because I did know that “I know,” I murmured “I don’t control it It controls me” I hesitated and said, “I’d still rather have the illusion, though”

Jace sighed “What happened to going to therapy? You told Eli you’d try”

“I did,” I said softly I pulled ers from Jace’s and let them rest on his chest “Tell er the truth, Jace That not only did I let ot jealous when he’d pretend I was someone else”

Shah me and I wasn’t surprised when Jace shifted us until ere both sitting upright He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him “Don’t you dare try to take any of what that man did to you on yourself”

I willedvoice to that particular secret was like punching a tiny hole in the da to drown me “I hated him so much, Jace”

“Of course you did, Caleb The things your father did to you—”

“Not him,” I whispered “Eli”

Jace stilled “What do you mean?” he asked carefully

“Soether and he’d be… he’d be behind me, he’d cover ht in s he said… they were disgusting Afterwards, he’d whisper things in s would go back to nor or whatever And I’d think it wasn’t so bad – that it had all been worth it After a while he’d start talking about hoished Eli was around ain and I just…”

I shookmy nails into my skin as I slid back fro? And why couldn’t I stop talking?