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“Cain?” Ronan said quietly I could hear rustling and suspected he was getting out of bed so he wouldn’t wake his husband up “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I said, though it wasn’t the whole truth Yes, things were fine in that Ethan was still safe which hat Ronan had been asking But no, things were not even close to fine otherwise

Why had I done this? Why had I made this call? Why hadn’t I just stayed in bed with Ethan wrapped in s as usual? Sleep would have clai on the closed toilet in the bathroom on the phone with a man who needed to be able to count on itated mess of aencounters of his entire life

“What’s going on, Cain?” Ronan asked, his voice gentle…and knowing

“You knew,” I said “You said he’d touch me in other ways” I hated that my voice almost sounded accusatory

Ronan let out a soft sigh and then I heard what sounded like a chair scraping along the floor

“I’d tell you not to fight it, but uess is you will anyway”

“I have nothing to offer him, Ronan I’m so fucked up in the head…”

“That’s not true and you know it,” he countered “You’ve been protecting yourself for a lot of years, Cain It’s normal not to be able to let someone else in…to be able to trust them to keep you safe”

“It’s not that,” I adet past this shit with him But what happens after that?”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s got a big faain when this is all over He should have so to be an uncle soon, for Christ’s sake Can you really see me in a room full of people with a kid on my lap?”