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I fell ontotime And then I did what I always do in times of crisis: I texted Jess I went into the bathroom and hopped up onto the black , so I left it tethered to the wall as I typed: Guess who I just met

Her reply came just a few seconds later With Fernando out of town and calling her constantly, her phone was never more than an inch away from her Katy Perry No wait: Foruy don that’s always screauesses

I grinned and replied: Well, those were so

She texted: Ok, so as it, Mr Suspense?

I just met Dmitri’s fiancé Who, by the way, is also his cousin I hit send I would have loved to see the look on her face when she read that

Predictably, the phone rang in my hand, and before I could even say hello, Jess yelled, “You are fucking shitting me! What the fuck? I mean, Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, who does that? Are they Russian by way of the Ozarks? That’s co Are they first cousins? Not that it ross no matter how far removed they are I think I threw up in my mouth when I read that And Dmitri seemed so normal! I mean, ok, he’s in the mafia, and that’s hardly normal But you knohat I mean He really didn’t see? Keeping it in the faain”

“Are you finished?”

“I need a drink And a barf bowl”

“Jess, calht”

“Calm down? You drop that kind of bombshell on me and expect me to calm down?”

“I really shouldn’t have led off with the cousin thing,” I said, echoing Catherine’s words froht

Jess went on for another couple enetic defects and socialAnd finally when she wound down, I gave her a concise sue, the threats to Der toit I wanted Jess to know the truth

When I finished talking, there was silence on the other end of the line I looked at the phone to see if it was still on, and then said, “Jess?”

“I’m here Shit, Jamie This all just took your fucked up situation to a whole new level”

“I know”

“What’re we going to do?” she asked I liked that she said we

“No clue”