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“Push, baby It’s okay, just push,” Kingston’s voice echoes, but it doesn’t register withpressure deep in my back I didn’t have time for an epidural, and the pain is more than what I could have ever anticipated The books, opinions, all the stories—pale to the absolute torture wrenching s as I prepare to welco my body to work the way it needs to seems beyond unbearable

I bear down, breathing out, squeezing ston’s, but nothing happens—no baby

“Lana, you’re doing great Give me one more push on three We see the head Count with me Onetwothree”

I use what little strength I have to move mountains, it seems I push hard with the most effort my weakened body has and I hear it; I hear the words I’ve been dying to hear

“That was good Just giveone, Lana He’s here,” Dr Barrett reassures me, and desperate to see my son, I bare down, but this tith I have in hopes this really is the last one

“That’s it, es next tointo bring me comfortable solace

With that last push, I hear angels sing,for what I’ve wanted since the moment I learned of his existence Our son

His cries are loud and groggily, I do limpse of hi forout to his ive me my son?

“We need to get him to the incubator Let’s cut his cord STAT,” the doctor rushes out with authority as he stands over our son, speaking to the nurses as if I can’t hear what he’s saying

I catch a brief sighting of Princeton andboy, so why are they taking hi up into cohter in my damp palm

“Kingston, where are they taking him?” I start to move, the pain beloaist far less pro, anxiety-ridden panic that’s clawing at me

“Baby, relax, they’re going to keep him safe Just lay back Okay?”

“No! I want to see our son!” I wail, looking up at him as if he has lost his da calm is to settledragged aithout us even getting to touch him

Either way, neither of those things is sitting ith me

“Ma’as are fully developed Please relax We will get hiet you taken care of” The nurse at my feet fails to make me feel better

“I don’t care about iveat hi ainto shock The tears come out of me with a hot, acidy burn I want to see my baby I need to touch him and confirm on my own that he is here and well