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Chapter One

"Goooood , Austin," Nolan belted into the mike in his best Robin Williaht you'd gotten up early enough to miss the traffic, then you're crazier than I am It's a madhouse out there, but that's okay because it's crazy in here, too But I'll be here to make your drive just a littledown the street or all the way across town"

He hit the switch on his console to pull up the Twilight Zone the, then leaned closer, deepened his voice, and channeled his inner Rod Serling "It's the dimension between coht, folks I'm your host, Nolan Wood, and this is" He paused for dramatic effect as his producer, Connor, increased the reverb on the sound effects, then finished on his show's title, "Mornings with Wood"

He'd been standing--it ht only be six am, but Nolan was always revved before a show and he did his best ith a little bounce in his step--but now he fell back into his chair He rolled a few feet to the back wall of the slassed-in studio as Connor cued the Satisfaction Sound Effect, a little clip Nolan had put together with rising applause that crescendoed on a woman's satisfied purr of, "Oh, Nolan!"

Then the drive-ti--recorded by one of the station's voice actors--"You're listening to Mornings With Wood on K-I-K-X Austin--kicks FM--at 963 on your radio dial Classic music and classless chatter with your host, Nolan Wood"

In a rhythm as natural as sex, Nolan was back at the y as he slid into his schtick "That's right, carass is green The birds are singing And there's one hell of a pile-up on southbound Mo-Pac near the Far West exit Get off while you can, because that ain't pretty

"And if you don't have an alternate route, well, I hope you like the sight of your dashboard, because other than the rear of the car in front of you, that's your view until you get off that highway to hell And if that's not a good segue, I don't knohat is So here's a little AC/DC to wake you up and ease your pain"

As Nolan finished, Connor faded in Highway to Hell, and Nolan looked up with a grin "Damn, but I love my job"

"Good," Connor shot back "Because I sure as hell don't want it" He glanced down at the yellow pad that was never far fro into a coo? Requests? Naked News? Date-a-palooza?"

That's one of the reasons Nolan loved working with Connor Nolan's last producer had insisted that he plan out the prograo, Nolan had insisted the shoould have y if Nolan had more leeway He'd expected push-back, but the skinny fored and said that so long as he kneas on theinto whatever dish Nolan chose

Honestly, if Connor had tits, Nolan would have dropped to one knee and proposed ht then As it was, he took his new producer out for a drink at his favorite local bar, The Fix on Sixth, then exchanged life stories as they got rip-roaring drunk in that ti ritual

As for that , it wouldn't have worked out, anyway Gail--Connor's wife of five years--would never have approved Then again, maybe she would After all, unlike Nolan's ex, Gail had a killer sense of humor

Frustrated, Nolan shook his head to clear out the unwelcoested, referring to a new segment he'd only recently outlined

Connor h noise in his throat "Ix-nay on that one until Mannie gives us the thu to push the line with too asm jokes"

For the most part, the station'

s General Manager, Manuel Ortega, kept a loose rein on Nolan But every once in a while he got a bug up his butt about a particular concept