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Prologue

We had what soht call a ind romance I wouldn’t have called it that But then, ro I was familiar with at all

A sign outside the shabby bar in Crown Heights promised dollar well drinks and the chance to avoid er, so I ducked inside, out of the cold I’d been walking for hours, desperate to be anywhere but home, and winter had seeped into my bones

I had three roo room couch, so the only chance I ever had at solitude was to arrive hoht, with any luck, I wouldn’t be going home at all

The floor was dingy, the bar polished to a ht er for a while I slid a battered paperback out of ers were nu, I had the sensation that I was stilleven after I sat down An ocean in ue

When the whiskey flared hot in htly It had been a fuck of a day The kind of exhausting day that re out of bed—or couch, in ht back in

Lately, every day seeusted with myself, because I should’ve felt better I finally had a job where I could help people with e I had a chance—a chance to s I had I should’ve felt better, but I didn’t

It had been twoat Mariposa, and the initial flush of pride and relief—and, okay, surprise—had faded like the crash after a high, leavingpurpose but no idea hoield it

I kept wanting to text my best friend, Grin, in Florida, but I couldn’t quite corateful dick

Hey dude, you knoe swore a pact that ouldn’t be shitty abusive losers like everyone we greith? Well I got a job I really like helping people and for the first ti this probleht bc I don’t kno to be anything but what I’ve always been SOS

Yeah, nah

I ran led from my walk, and pressed the heels ofStars of light burst on the dark horizon behind my closed eyes

Maybe I could read in the park tonight instead of going home

No, you idiot, re winter