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Chapter One
Later, it was said that Berni was the best dressed corpse any of her set had seen in decades Not thatlived for much more than a couple of decades, and, ith the wonders of plastic surgery, none of them needed to admit to the exact number of years
They filed by the expensive coffin and looked in admiration at Berni There wasn’t a line in her face Every pit, wrinkle, even soen Her breasts, filled with silicone, even in death pointed skyward Hair expensively colored, eyelashes permanently dyed, nails manicured, waist tucked into a youthful twenty-three inches, her body clad in a six-thousand-dollar suit—she looked as good in death as she had in life
There were sighs of ad, and hope that they would look as good in death as she did Only two people shed any tears at Berni’s deoing toto ossip she passed his way The other mourner was Berni’s fourth ex-husband, and his tears were tears of joy, because he was no longer going to have to support the ar twenty-seven
“Going to the cemetery?” one woman asked another
“I would like to, but I can’t,” said the second woency, you know” Janine, her ive her a time slot today at two, and she had to have her broken nail repaired
“Sauarded, angry glance at Berni in her coffin Last week she’d bought the sa buried in, now she would have to return it It was just like Berni to show up in the latest, the newest, theAt least that won’t happen anyed to suppress her sood, close friends, you know” She smoothed her silk Geoffrey Beene pantsuit “I really must leave”
Before long there were ency appointments elsewhere, until, in the end, only Berni’s hairdresser rode in the lirave There was a line of twenty lied and paid for her funeral years in advance—but they were empty of mourners
At long last the words (planned by Berni) had been spoken, the , and the single rave was filled in, new sod rolled into place, flowers artistically arranged around the tasteful gravestone, and the sun began to set over Berni’s grave
Four hours after her coffin was covered, not one person gave a thought to the woman who had been so much a part of their lives They had eaten her food, attended her parties, gossiped endlessly with her and about her, but no one one No one at all
The Kitchen
Berni opened her eyes with a jolt, feeling as though she’d overslept Her first thought was that she’d be late for her nail appointment with Janine, and the bitch was ruthless if a client was late She’d tell Berni she was booked up for the next week and et her, Berni thought I’ll tell Diane that Janine’s been sleeping with her husband With Diane’s temper Janine will be lucky to come out alive
Set out of bed and then realized she wasn’t in bed It was then that she began to see that so up She wasn’t wearing her red silk Christian Dior nightgown but her nehite Dupioni silk suit—the one Lois Simons had purchased on sale Berni planned to wear the suit first, then Lois wouldn’t be able to wear hers; she’d try to return it and wouldn’t be allowed to, and she’d be stuck with a four-thousand-dollar suit she couldn’t wear The idea made Berni smile
But she lost her s everywhere, and she couldn’t see anything except a gold-colored light far ahead What now, she thought She squinted a bit to see better, although she now had twenty-twenty vision thanks to eye surgery last year
She took a few steps forward, and the fog cleared a path She started to frown but caught herself (frowning gives one wrinkles) Perhaps this was some stupid idea of her latest lover He was a twenty-year-old o, and she was growing tired of hi about hoanted to be a movie director, and he wanted Berni to finance hiet her to open her checkbook
She walked for several ht was a big desk, and behind it was sitting a handsoray-haired man
When she saw the h breasts pointed straight ahead
“Hello,” she said in her throatiest, sexiest voice
The lanced up at her then down at the papers on his desk
It alorried Berni when men didn’t immediately respond to her beauty Maybe she’d better eon next week “Are you with Lance?” she asked, referring to her beachboy lover