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But as I angry?

"Because I can't spell--and I have to see you" "We certainly are angry, aren't we?" the psychiatrist said

"I certainly are," I said (I was trying to bring the conversation back to the subject of e disability)

An Underdog

There was one place at Exeter where I was never angry; I never lostroom--possibly because I wasn't e that I felt so co My athletic skills had never been significant I had loathed Little League baseball (By association, I hate all sports with balls) I(I have a limited tolerance for cold weather) I did have an inexplicable taste for physical contact, for the adrenal sti into people, but I was too small to play football; also, there was a ball involved

When you love so, you have the capacity to bore everyone about why--it doesn't ht-class sport; you get to bump into people your own size You can bump into them very hard, but where you land is reasonably soft And there are civilized aspects to the sport's combativeness: I've always admired the rule that holds you responsible, if you lift your opponent off the mat, for your opponent's "safe return" But the best answer to why I love wrestling is that it was the first thing I was any good at And what limited success I had in the sport I owe completely to my first coach, Ted Seabrooke

Coach Seabrooke had been a Big 10 Champion and a two-time Ail-American at Illinois; he ay overqualified for the job of coaching wrestling at Exeter--his tea for years An NCAA runner-up at 155 pounds, Ted Seabrooke was a handsohed upward of 200 pounds in s spread in front of hi out to you from the level of his chest Even in such a vulnerable position, he could coet behind him On his ru you, his legs scissoring you, his hands tying up your hands or snapping your head down He could control you by holding you in his lap (a crab ride) or by taking possession of your near leg and your far arentle with you, and he never see you (Coach Seabrooke would first get diabetes and then die of cancer At his y I'd written for him, because I knew by heart the parts that would make me cry if I tried to say them aloud)

Not only did Ted Seabrooke teach me horestle; more important, he forewarned me that I would never be better than "halfway decent" as a wrestler--because of my limitations as an athlete He also is: I had to be especially dedicated--a thorough student of the sport--if I wished to overcome my lack of any observable ability "Talent is overrated," Ted told me "That you're not very talented needn't be the end of it"

A high-school wrestling , divided into three two-minute periods--with no rest between the periods In the first period, both wrestlers start on their feet--a neutral position, with neither wrestler having an advantage In the second period, in those days, one wrestler had the choice of taking the top or the bottom position; in the third period, the choice of positions was reversed (Nowadays, the options of choice have been expanded to include the neutral position, and the wrestler given the choice in the second period may defer his choice until the third)

What Coach Seabrooke taught h two periods--close enough so that one takedown or a reversal in the third period could win the match And I needed to avoid "mix-ups"--free-for-all situations that were not in either wrestler's control (The outco the pace of the match--a combination of technique, correct position, and physical conditioning--waswrestler The pace that worked formatch

I rarely won by a fall; in five years of wrestling at Exeter, I probably pinned no more than a half-dozen opponents I was almost never pinned--only twice, in fact

I won 5-2 when I dominated an opponent; I won 2-1 or 3-2 when I was lucky, and lost 3-2 or 4-3 when I was less lucky If I got the first takedown, I could usually win; if I lost the first takedown, I was hard-pressed to recover--I was not a come-from-behind man I was, as Coach Seabrooke said, "halfway decent" as a counter-wrestler, too But if my opponent was a superior athlete, I couldn't afford to rely on my counter-h--ainst a superior athlete, I would take the first shot; against a superior wrestler, I would try to counter his first move

"Or vice versa, if it's not working," Coach Seabrooke used to say He had a sense of huoes, the bodyis in a position to take a healthy bite"

This was a concept of ; therefore, I had to control the pace--of everything This was lish 4W, but the concept was applicable to --and to all my schoolwork, too If nment in an hour, I allowed myself two or three If I couldn't learn to spell, I would keep a list of my most frequently misspelled words--and I kept the list with me; I had it handy even for unannounced quizzes Most of all, I rewrote everything; first drafts were like the first time you tried a new takedown--you needed to drill it, over and over again, before you even dreaan to take my lack of talent seriously

An i those of us who lacked perfection with the insensitive (not to mention elitist) remark that ould all end up at Wichita State I didn't know that Wichita was in Kansas; I knew only that this was a slur--if eren't talented enough for Harvard, then Wichita State would be our just reward Fuck you, I thought: my objective would then

be to do well at Wichita State Ted Seabrooke had gone to Illinois I didn't suppose that this Spanish teacher thought too highly of Illinois either

I re Ted that I'd had two likable Spanish teachers, and one unlikable one "I wouldn't complain about those odds," he said

The Half-Pound Piece of Toast

My time at the acade under Coach Seabrooke First, the wrestling rooymnasium to the upper reaches of the indoor track, which was called "the cage" The new rooly warm; from the hard-packed dirt of the track below us, and from the wooden track that circu of the runners Once our wrestling practice was underrestlers never heard the runners The wrestling roo door Before and after practice, the door was open; during practice, the door was closed

The other wrestling-related change that an wrestling on horsehair mats, which were covered with a filainstwas modestly effective, but--like the sheet on a bed--it loosened with activity The loose folds were a cause of ankle injuries; also, the shock-absorbing abilities of those old horsehair mats were nonexistent in comparison to the comfort of the new mats that arrived at Exeter in ti room

The new mats were smooth on the surface, with no cover When the ht and the egg wouldn't break (Whenever so broke, we said that the ye Later, I kept a wrestling mat in my unheated Vermont barn; in midwinter the mat was as hard as a floor