Page 12 (2/2)

Lord Dolphinton was not to be so easily silenced ‘Said it e sat down to luncheon,’ he continued, ticking the occasion off on one bony finger ‘Said it at dinner Said if you didn’t care for your mutton you needn’t have come, because he didn’t invite you I ain’t clever, like you fellows, but when people say things to me once or twice I can remember them’ He observed that this simple declaration of his powers had bereft his cousin of words, and retired again, mildly pleased, into his book

Lord Biddenden exchanged a speaking look with his brother; but Hugh merely remarked that it was very true, and that in such a conte: ‘Well, at all events, it is as much to the purpose that I have come as that Dolphinton has! Folly!’

‘I’ the conversation ‘You ain’t an Earl Hugh ain’t an Earl Freddy ain’t—’

‘No, you are the only Earl aly

‘George is only a Baron,’ said Dolphinton

Lord Biddenden cast hi under his breath about impoverished Irish peers He had less patience with Dolphinton than any of the cousins, and the rehtly wounded his sensibilities He was a enius; liked to think hireat consequence; and was aht think of Irish titles, he could never see Dolphinton without suffering a pang A juster providence, he felt, must have reversed their positions Not that he wished to exchangeinheritance for Dolphinton’s Irish acres, ood reason to suppose they were Dolphinton was an only child, too, and that would not have suited his cousin Lord Biddenden’s instincts were patriarchal He liked to see his brothers and sisters under his roof, and to feel that they depended upon hiuidance; and he was almost as anxious for their advancerin to him that circumstances had h He, and not Matthew Penicuik, should have been Hugh’s benefactor, and he could never quite forgive the valetudinarian as nursing Hugh’s Rectory for having grossly outlived expectation That Hugh’s presence within walking distance of Biddenden Manor ht not be conducive either to his happiness or to his self-esteeh with hi sense of propriety, and he knew that it was his duty to feel affection for all his brothers and sisters But thein co vexed with hi a head taller than hih was to be blaht to adopt a censorious attitude towards his elders Regretfully, Lord Biddenden thought of his second brother, Claud, and wished that he were not, at this particular ilad to have helped Claud to a fortune, for he liked hied, at no very distant date, to help hiht Captain Rattray, though deferential to the head of his house, was expensive

These reflections were disturbed by Lord Dolphinton, who raised his head again, and gave utterance to the thought which had been slowly ger in his brain ‘I’d as lief not be an Earl,’ he said heavily ‘Or a Viscount Freddy’s going to be a Viscount I wouldn’t wish to be I wouldn’t wish to be a Baron, though that’s not e—’

‘Yes, yes, we all know I arees of nobility!’ said Biddenden, in an exasperated tone ‘You had as lief not be a peer of any degree! I aot into your head now, but that at least I have understood!’

‘There is no occasion for you to speak so roughly,’ said Hugh ‘What would you like to be, Foster?’

Lord Dolphinton sighed ‘That’s just it,’ he said mournfully ‘I wouldn’t like to be a military man Or a parson Or a doctor Or—’

The Rector, realizing that the list of the occupations his cousin did not desire to engage in was likely to be a long one, intervened, saying in his grave way: ‘Why don’t you wish to be an Earl, Foster?’

‘I just don’t,’ said Dolphinton simply

Fortunately, since his elder cousin showed signs of becoht have felt impelled to reat-uncle and host

Mr Penicuik, who had retired to his bedchaes which were bound round a gouty foot removed and replaced,upon a silver salver a box of pills, and a glass half-filled with an evil-looking mixture; Mr Penicuik himself hobbled in supported on one side by a stalwart footht up the rear, carrying a heavy walking-stick, several cushions, and a shawl Both Lord Biddenden and his brother started helpfully towards their infirm relative, and were cursed for their pains The butler informed Lord Dolphinton in a reproachful whisper that he was occupying the Master’s chair Much alarmed, Dolphinton removed himself to an uncomfortable seat at soroans, adjurations, and objurgations, was lowered into his favourite chair, his gouty foot was laid tenderly upon a cushion, placed on the stool before hih disposed the shawl about his shoulders, rather unwisely enquiring, as he did so, if he was comfortable

‘No, I’out, you wouldn’t ask me a damned silly question like that!’ retorted Mr Penicuik ‘Stobhill, where’s ood, but I’ve paid for them, and I won’t have waste! Where’s irl, and don’t stand there with yourround o out of hearing of the bell, for very likely I shall go to bed early, and I don’t want to be kept waiting while you’re searched for all over Go away, all of you! No, wait! Where’s my snuff-box?’

‘I fancy, sir, that you placed it in your pocket upon rising froetically

‘More fool you to have let ain!’ said Mr Penicuik, et a hand to his pocket, and uttering another anguished groan An offer of Lord Biddenden’s Special Sort, put up in an elegant enaratefully rejected Mr Penicuik said that he had used Nut Brown for years, and wanted nobody’s new-fangled mixture He succeeded, with assistance fro his box from his pocket, said that the room was as cold as a to built up a better fire The footman, as new to his service, foolishly reiven orders to make only a small fire in the Saloon ‘Man’s an idiot!’ said Mr Penicuik ‘S to sit here myself, clodpole!’ He waved the servants away, and nodded to his young relatives ‘In general, I don’t sit here,’ he informed them ‘Never sit anywhere but in the library, but I didn’t want the pack of you crowding in there’ He then glanced round the room, observed tha

t it needed refurbishing but that he was not going to squander his ain for a twelvemonth, and so pills and the cordial After this, he took a generous pinch of snuff, which seemed to refresh him, and said: ‘Well, I told you all to come here for a purpose, and if some of you don’t choose to do what’s to their interest I wash race, and there’s an end to it! I won’t keep you all here, eating me out of house and home, to suit the convenience of a couple of damned jackanapes Mind, I don’t mean they shan’t have their chance! They don’t deserve it, but I said Kitty should have her pick, and I’m a man of my word’

‘I apprehend, sir,’ said Biddenden, ‘that we have sost us is absent through no fault of his own’