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We always see, always for the better, always to make our lives better, whatever I couldn’t keep up with the emotional whiplash I’d attended so many elementary schools and ht any was really starting to h school in less than two years and my life seemed suddenly to comprise such a jumble of bullshit every day that sometimes I could hardly er would grip both sides of my open mouth and rip me in half

So I said nothing

It was the end of August, all volatile heat and the occasional breeze I was surrounded by starched backpacks and stiff denim and kids who smelled like fresh plastic They seemed happy

I sighed and slammed my locker shut

For me, today was just another first day of school in another new city, so I did what I always did when I showed up at a new school: I didn’t look at people People were always looking at me, and when I looked back they often took it as an invitation to speak to me, and when they spoke tooffensive or stupid or both and I’d decided a long tio that it was easier to pretend they just didn’t exist

I’d ed to survive the first three classes of the day without ate the school itself My next class seeure out where I was—cross-checking rooainstIn the tilance up at the clock, the masses of students around , empty hallway, my printed schedule now crumpled in one fist I squeezed my eyes shut and swore under my breath

When I finally found my next class I was seven htly squeaking, and students turned around in their seats The teacher stopped talking, his ht around a sound, his face frozen between expressions

He blinked at me

I averted my eyes, even as I felt the room contract aroundI took a notebook out offor thefor ain when he suddenly cleared his throat and said—

“Anyway, as I was saying: our syllabus includes quite a bit of required reading, and those of you who are new here”—he hesitated, glanced at the roster in his hands—“hly deain Squinted at the paper in his hands

And then, as if out of nowhere, he said, “Now—forgivethis incorrectly—but is it—Sharon?” He looked up, looked me directly in the eye

I said, “It’s Shirin”

Students turned to look at ain

“Ah” My teacher, Mr Webber, didn’t try to pronounce ain “Welcome”

I didn’t answer him

“So” He slish class”

I hesitated I wasn’t sure what he was expecting me to say to such an obvious statement Finally, I said, “Yes?”

He nodded, then laughed, and said, “Sweetheart, I think youclass”

I wanted to tell him not to call me sweetheart I wanted to tell hieneral rule Instead, I said, “I’ht class,” and held up my crumpled schedule

Mr Webber shook his head, even as he kept s “Don’t worry—this isn’t your fault It happens sometimes with new students But the ESL office is actually just down the—”

“I’ht class, okay?” I said the words ht class”

This shit was always happening to me