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Chapter One

Four Years Ago

I splashed cold water onforward, I spoke intently to my reflection “You can do this”

Luckily, my reflection didn’t answer, as that would mean I was cos constricted tightly and my entire body jittered, like I’d ile piece of food My toes curled as the tingles wound up from my feet to my calves, like barbed ivy that spiked ht spontaneously combust and turn this tiny bar bathroom into a scene from Dexter

God, I needed to get a hold ofpast time to carpe that diem

I sloss over my lips My wild curly hair didn’t resemble Medusa’s as much as usual, which was a plus, and the wraparound sundress I as an attractive departure from my usual T-shirt and sweats, even if I felt a little aard in a skirt Plus, the red cotton brought out the copper in my curls When ere sixteen, Abe had told me red really suited me, and I’d worn it when I saw him ever since

With one last sweep of the mirror, I stepped back out into the smoky bar and walked with slow,even breaths I wouldn’t have any difficulties unless I forgot to breathe, which, fine, had been known to happen Especially in eighth-grade health class, when the teacher discussed the ra I’d passed out and spent the rest of the period eating saltines in the nurse’s office

Not that anything like that was about to happen now

No, I was going to go up to Abe, and confidently, earing up ever since he came home last week for the Draft party, and I was finally ready after five days of sitting onpressure sat on , divine cat that said: This is it Now or never

I’d hopped down to LA and crashed withshe never saw Abe, though she heard about him all the time; as the star center linebacker of the UCLA Bruins, he couldn’t avoid being a centerpiece of gossip I’d once considered following Abe wherever he went for college, but that was before I’d decided that the best way to deal with unrequited love was to try to ignore it I’d gone to Berkley instead, and never regretted the decision

But after seeing Abe last week, after realizing that as soon as he turned twenty-one he’d be whisked off to training camp across the country This actually wasto just realize that he lovedcompletely different lives

He’d inviteddown for two nights Abraha drafted by the New York Leopards, he’d becoood wishes What better time to confess how much I loved him?

Unfortunately, as I reached our table, Abe had vanished Only his football friends remained I moved up behind them, made aard and a little shy by these man-boys who hadn’t paid me any attention, and pitched h with nerves “Hey, where’s Abe?”

One of thelanced up briefly “Think he went outside”

Okay So there’d been a slight hitch in my plan I nodded my thanks and headed past the bouncer who hadn’t bothered to card our group, and into Westwood Village