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SIMON DIGGERY AND Ethel, his pet boa constrictor, were about fifty feet from Simon’s rust bucket double-wide Ethel looked comfy draped over a branch halfway up the tree Simon looked like death warmed over He was scrunched into a crook a couple feet below Ethel He was barefoot, wearing striped pajaray hair was even more of a mess than usual

My name is Stephanie Plum I work as a bond enforcement officer in Trenton, New Jersey, and Simon was in violation of his bond

Siht robbing a grave, my cousin Vinnie is his bail bonds the court that if Simon is released he will return when scheduled If Simon doesn’t show up on time, I’m sent out to fetch him

I was presently standing a respectable distance fro a watch on Ethel I ith my sidekick, Lula

If Lula was a pastry she’d be a big chocolate cupcake with a lot of frosting I’d be more of a croissant with a ponytail I have curly shoulder-length brown hair, blue eyes, and some people think I look like Julia Roberts on her day off

“Si in the tree?”

“I been up here since last night,” Simon said “I’m afraid to come down on account of the zombies”

“You gotta stop drinking that horain liquor,” Lula said

“I wasn’t drinking,” Si ht, and I accidentally dug into a zombie portal”

“Say what?” Lula said “I never heard of no zombie portal”

“It’s not widely publicized that they exist Mostly people in my profession know about it It’s an occupational hazard I only dug into a portal once before, and I was able to beat the zombies back with my shovel, but this time was a whole other deal There was toois they tracked gedy bloodhounds They co They wanted‘Brains, brains, brains’ I’d be a goner if it wasn’t for Ethel She don’t like getting woke up, and I guess zoet away, and Ethel and me climbed this tree”

“Because zombies can’t climb trees?” I asked Simon