Page 1 (1/2)

Chapter 1

My irl, and I have no probleirl part I like ood part has been spotty I don’t steal cars or sniff glue, but I’ve had a lot of ihts And I’ve acted on a bunch of theuy’s closet in search of his underwear On the surface, this doesn’t sound like a uy, and I couldn’t find any underwear

My ood They pray every day and go to church regularly I have good intentions, but religion, for ame, and in my mind’s eye I look terrific in the little white skirt, but the reality is I never actually get onto the court

It’s usually when I’s spiritual and mystical and wonder about the unknown Like, is there life after death? And just what, exactly, is collagen?

And suppose Wonder Woht not know, right?

Today is St Patrick’s Day, and when I was in the shower this hts were about luck How does it work? Why are soil said fortune favors the bold Okay, so I read that on the stall door in the ladies’ rooil, but I like his thinking Still, there has to be sos we can’t comprehend

My name is Stephanie Plum, and I try to leave the incoh without walking around all day wondering why God invented cellulite I’ency in Trenton, New Jersey, and I spendin attics It was a little after nine am and I was on the sidewalk in front of the bonds office with my sidekick, Lula

“You’re a holiday shirker,” Lula said “Every time a holiday comes up, you don’t do your part Here it is St Patrick’s Day and you don’t have no green on you You’re lucky there’s no holiday police because they’d haul your boney behind off to the shirker’s dungeon”

“I don’t own anything green” Okay, an olive drab T-?shirt, but it was dirty

“I own lots of green I look good in it,” Lula said “But then I look good in all colors Maybe not brown on account of it blends withon me”

Lula’s borderline tooin lots of ways It isn’t exactly that Lula is fat; it’s ht and her clothes are too small for the volume of flesh she carries Her attitude is Jersey times ten, and today her hair was candy-?apple red She was packed into shareen sequin-?encrusted stretchy top, and spike-?heeled dark green suede ankle boots Lula was a hooker before she took the job at the bonds office, and I was guessing this outfit was left over from the St Patrick’s Day fantasy collection

Truth is, I so and incredibly pale when I’arian and Italian descent, and my complexion is more Eastern European than Mediterranean I have shoulder-?length, unexceptional, curly brown hair, blue eyes, and a nice nose that I inherited from the Mazur side of the fa-?sleeved T-?shirt that carried the Rangers hockey teao The temperature was in the fifties, and Lula and I were bundled into hooded sweatshirts Lula’s sweatshirt said kiss ray with a small chocolate ice cream stain on the cuff

Lula and I were on our way to get a Lucky Clucky Shake at Cluck-?in-?a-?Bucket, and Lula was rooting through her purse, trying to find her car keys

“I know I got those keys in here so everything onto the hood of her car Guun, cell phone, a forty-?caliber nickel-?plated Glock, Tic Tacs, a can of Mace, a personal-?ht, handcuffs, a screwdriver, nail polish, the pearl-?handled Derringer she got as a Valentine’s Day present from her honey, Tank, a musical bottle opener, a roll of toilet paper, Rolaids