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“What?” I reach a frantic right hand out as ates Tugs at his knee as I careen down our driveway Pull at his shirt as I shift into park Try to break through, but he ignoreshis head as he shakes it from side to side

“October 12th,” he whispers “Oh my God October 12th”

I say nothing, wait, as he repeats a date that , he slows his frantic rock, and drops his hands, a cal over him as he raises his head and looks at me

“I remember” He says softly “I remember October 12th”

Chapter 62

Brant

There is not a hto fight Nothing to struggle against I sinize Stare around, take in s, and then continue

Our minds are unique in that they are like infants in their acceptance of what is shown I don’t wonder that I don’t remember yesterday, because I have always had no yesterday It, to me, is normal That personality has never lived another way I don’t find it strange to be suddenly awake and at a restaurant and h a meal because that is what I kno I know life to be The regular world, as a species, doesn’t question the fact that they close our eyes and—for eight hours—time passes in literally the blink of an eye Doesn’t question the fact that they s in our sleep, held a brief conversation in the ht with a spouse—a conversation that they re about And just as they don’t question that, I never questioned the two decades where things didn’t always es in location on my medication’s side effects

But now, suddenly, I relimpse into a day I have wondered about for twenty-seven years

I didn’t know much about my world when I opened my eyes on October 12th, other than a few siirl down the street named Trish who had a pet mouse and wouldn’t let ure a feeeks earlier and I had touched it Pale white with red eyes, and I had poked it too roughly and she had pushed me away Pulled it close to her chest and screaain

I digress I was Jenner I did not knoho this woman before me was and had no interest in her brand of authority I wanted my mom I wanted my blue house with the broken porch rail and the iced tea pitcher that collected condensation in the fridge I didn’t want to be in a baseht and eyes were black, who ser wouldn’t stop jabbing the paper before me

“Focus, Brant Multiply the fractions We don’t have all day”

I’d never seen this pile of crap before Numbers above and below lines The crooked cross, which I knew meant to multiply but I didn’t kno to multiply I pushed the paper away and looked at her Said the only truth that didn’t make me sound stupid “I’m not Brant”

“You certainly are Brant And you did three pages of these yesterday in the time it took me to use the restroom So don’t tell me you don’t kno to do it”

I don’t kno to do it I said nothing, only stared in her face “I wantto get away from this woman