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Eddie settles for a gesture I’esture that I barely notice it anyed me, they now pat me on the shoulder And handshakes are nonexistent It is my reality I accept it

Nuerian friend I can see it in his alert eyes He wishes people would treat me the same Sometimes, he insists on it But lately, he has eased up on people Insisting that people act a certain way generally causes conflict People do not want to be told how to act, especially towards someone with an infectious disease

Eddie sits oppositeas far away froet hts remind me that I’m less than human, unworthy of contact or love or compassion Sympathy maybe Distant sympathy

Do you blaain for perhaps the thousandth time They value their lives Contact with a diseasedthemselves at risk, or so they think

Wrong or not, I get it, and so I sigh as Eddie gestures aardly towardsco on a hook Finally, he drops it to the table, unsure of what to do with it or himself or what to say to me

So I help a brother out “Eddie, I have AIDS Full-blown fucking AIDS with a lung cancer chaser I’ like a scared dick I don’t have time for dicks Just be real”

He nods We’ve known each other since high school, where he and I had been close friends Eddie went on to irl who had been my sweetheart as well Secretly, of course Eddie and I had h I suspected that I liked her o talk to her, Eddie had beat me to the punch I had hated him for that at the time, but went on to accept it Eddie and Olivia hit it off, although once, when she had been drinking, Olivia admitted to me privately that she wished I had asked her out instead of Eddie

My connection with Olivia would carry on into our adult lives A sweet connection really, since we never acted inappropriately Still, ht have been like if the two of us had gotten together It was a sweet thought, and often I caught her looking atat each other as well, but said nothing

Now Eddie looks sheepish and finally says, “I’m sorry this happened to you”

“So am I”

“I should have come by more often”

Nu perfectly still with his hands folded in his lap, says, “By more often you mean never one time?”

Numi and Eddie have never liked each other Nuht Eddie was an asshole Probably because Eddie made it a habit to cheat on Olivia And Numi knew of my fondness for Olivia

Eddie looks at Nu forward, hands resting comfortably in his lap He literally doesn’t move a muscle

Finally, Eddie looks back at me “I just didn’t knohat to say, you know?”

I nod This is couy I had spenthis for

“It’s okay,” I say as Numi frowns “You’ve been busy”

I know I’ excuses for Eddie; I’ve done this for etting me into trouble as well I also know that most people aren’t so busy that they can’t take a fewfriend But I’h self-hating for everyone

“No, ain I have no excuse I don’t knohat to say”