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“Malchiah, I’,” I whispered “I don’t want to leave them”

A long ribbon of laughter softly broke the darkness that surrounded me, and every syllable of it was picked up as if it were the kernel of a le with another

“Malchiah,” I whispered

And I felt his ar me as he lifted me The music was made up of space as well as time and it see and then another and another

He was cradling me as he carried me upward

“Will I always love them so much? Will I always hate to leave them? Is that part of it, part of what I have to suffer?”

But the word “suffer” was the wrong word because it had all been too grand, too splendid, too golden And I could hear his lips againstin the softest tones,

“You’ve done well, and now you know there are others waiting for you”

“This is the school of love,” I said, “and every lesson is deeper, richer, finer”

I saw a vision of love; I saw that it was no one thing, but a great coht and dark and fierce and tender, and my heart broke as the questions broke from my lips

But no answer came except the anthems of Heaven

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

SOMEONE WAS SHAKING ME I WOKE UP, OUT OF A nightmare Shht frohttime streets below

“You’ve been asleep for twenty-four hours,” he said We were in my room in the Mission Inn, and I lay on top of the rumpled co muscles The room was cold

The nightns of dreams, the incoherent shifts, the distorted faces, the absurd and incoel Time

I tried to hear again the angels singing, but there were only faint echoes, and a fraghtmare rose, to blot them out

Ankanoc had been arguing withto your systeoes into a blazing Hell But there is no such place His soul will reincarnate and he will have to learn what he failed to learn the first ti Hell I’d heard the screa “You think I’m a devil? Why would I want to live in such a place?” Such asmile, and then a wooden expression “You think you’ve been visited by angels of the Lord? Why would you be in such toriven you, if you had in fact turned to Him, wouldn’t the Holy Spirit have flooded you with consolation and light? No, you know nothing of Heavenly Spirits But don’t let that frighten you Welcome to the Human Race”

I sat up, bowed my head and prayed “Lord, deliver me fro failed, of having let Lodovico slip away into death, was as strong with ry that Ankanoc had cohts

If your personal God had forgiven you, if you had in fact turned to Him, wouldn’t the Holy Spirit have flooded you with consolation and light?

“It’s finished now,” said Shmarya He had a quiet easy voice, resonant, but youthful, and he was dressed as I was dressed, in a blue cotton shirt and khaki pants

He helped me off the bed I went to theand looked at ave the only illumination

Meo away, please!” I whispered

To my surprise I felt Shmarya’s hand on ot away

“Stop struggling,” he said His expression was innocent, probing, his eyebrows knitting for an instant as he made his point “This man’s soul is not in your hands”